Why, ultimately, First Night parties disappoint

For many a year (I'm guessing here), towns have offered non-alcohol based celebrations as an alternative to the usual drunken revelry of new year's eve. Though a nice concept, ultimately these sober soirees fall flat through no real fault of their own. The problem, of course, is that Man has made life a particularly un-fun experience. If this weren't the case, I'm sure the instances of vicariously-livin' football dads punching out referees would diminish greatly.

"Life is tough" gets bandied about often though it's really not accurate for the majority of humans anymore. Life is actually very easy; either you're alive and you're a success or you're dead and you failed. Living however is a different story. In the developed Western world, we are lucky enough to lead mundane existences.

And this is where alcohol comes in to play. Society is adamant in forcing upon us the notion that drinking it = fun. The de facto meaning of the word 'party' seems to imply alcohol and thus we use terms like "dinner party" or "birthday party" to warn potential attendees that the emphasis will not be on the alcohol. It's similar to the word for meat in Chinese. If you leave off any descriptors people assume you're referring to pork.

So yes, booze is fun-in-a-bottle (or fun-in-a-bottle-in-a-bag for those keepin' it real types). The favorite comment drunks make to sober people at parties is either "wow, aren't you bored?" or some expression of condolence. Placing 3rd is the bizarre "I really respect that".

Many people drink to loosen up and lower their inhibitions. It's societally accepted and easily dismissed if a person demonstrated over the top antics at the company party "Oh he was drunk, that's why his pants were around his ankles". Don't get me wrong, I don't equate 'pants-down' with 'uninhibited', I just lumped them together in a demonstration of poor grammar. I was just making the point that some use it as a tool. Now, why people are so inhibited during their daily lives is a topic for much discussion another day, but let's face it, most people are scared to be themselves for fear of failure, ridicule, others' perception, etc.

There's too much money to be made here so society wants us to think people not drinking alcohol, particularly on this holiday, either can't because they're allergic or "recovering from disease" (don't get me started) and thus deserving of sympathy, or are nerdy, socially awkward, or just don't know better and thus deserving of ridicule. By the way, the "just doesn't know better", in respect to the concept of happiness, is explored to interesting effect in Stumbling On Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. It's a quick, fun read.

With all these factors in play then at a non-alcohol First Night function, all it really takes is a boisterous, too-cool-for-school kinda person to really throw a wrench in the works.

All that being said, one of the better new year's eves for me was one of these First Night things in NY, which included me really really stinking it up trying to learn how to salsa. Just to know a thing about me, I'm forever fearful of the idea of dancing because of that one SNL skit where Chris Farley is in the back of a bar mocking Jeff Goldblum yelling "Hey Everybody! Let's do the IDIOT!!!".
Hmm, the worst new year's eve was probably standing in the cold in Times Square for however many fucking hours surrounded by guys pissing on walls and women squatting in the streets doing the same (except on the ground of course, so 'same' refers to the pissing action not the object being pissed on) followed by a near riot after the ball dropped. So yeah, new year's, pfffft.
But I do like the Lunar New Year.

Seasons Greetings!

Don't believe the hype!

Man, I don't care what Tiger Woods tries to tell us in those TV ads. The ugly Buick Rendezvous (silver) is just a repackaged, hideous Pontiac Aztek (the yellow "Rosie O'Donell-mobile").

Happy Holidays!

into the abyss

If you were to say "into the pit" or "into the void", the accent sounds fine on the in. However were you to say "into the abyss" nothing will do other than an accent on the to. That's just the way it is, deal with it.

Take it from me, buying items from those goofy companies that sell crap such as the "fits all sizes velour drawstring pants" in ads in the backs of magazines is an iffy proposition at best.

And someone please shove this down the throats of those Paris Hilton/Trump/GWBush types so they'll understand what's actually important.

CW

Those are the initials for NJ's 'Conserve Wildlife' vanity license plates. Now, I don't want to be presumptuous but I've seen many folks in the huge pickup trucks and the gas-guzzling Mercedes with these plates. Some also are adorned with the W Bush stickers. There might be a perfectly good explanation for all of this. I, however, think they're just announcing, "I'm okay with myself. Now". Well let's be honest here people. You're not.
Wow! That was extremely presumptuous!

Flipped, pickle-haulin' 18 wheeler on the highway today. Or so they say. I didn't see any free pickles in all that bumper to bumper goodness. 6 miles in 2 hours? That's better than the 15 ft/hr. rate on Black Friday's shopping "bonanza".

Taco Bell

I've been hankering for it but it's certainly not worth dying from dysentery over due to E. Coli poisoning. Developing a resistance to E. Coli would be one of the most useless bodily victories. It just means you'd be able to consume high quantities of human feces without deathly repercussions. C'mon! You can do better than that.

Quiche

Now where does the expression "real men don't eat quiche" come from? The stuff is delicious! I hope I didn't just inadvertently confess to something.

The holiday shopping rush is on and, as in recent years, I have resorted more and more to the internet. Which of course becomes a huge problem when one's cable modem craps out nonstop. I might have to rename this blog "Cablevision Sucks!", except, what do I do when I drop them as a provider? Gotta think more long term...

It's not enough that

the post-Thanksgiving bumrush of Xmas music began minutes into 11/24 (Monkey King and I know this because we stupidly went out pre-dawn for the shopping mayhem). They also include in the rotation that Vanessa Williams "Save the Best for Last" song!!
The song is no great shakes and fer cryin' out loud, there's but one line in there that even mentions snow, and it's about how "sometimes the snow comes down in June". That is not Christmas-y, my friends. Going by that logic, any song with a mention of snow or ice is fair game.
Frank Zappa's "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow" should be piping through the malls (and it IS great shakes). Or anything by that white Toronto reggae guy Snow (which probably isn't).

Home ISP update: Someone's been doling out bum cable modems to me causing numerous problems. Get on the ball! I'm talking to you, Cablevision.

Hope Thanksgiving was good for all.

Wow

This is such a sack of shit.
Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving break and their return to the workplace has not been as crappy as mine's been today.

When will people learn?

Do not doubt Tesla.

Gallup Poll

The Gallup poll's been calling and finally got through to me. I was amped to be one of the survey respondents who'd constitute that sample group whose opinions would be representational of a larger whole which would then influence trendspotters who would pass the information on to policymakers who form thinktanks which would then recommend procedures to whomever's in charge on how to sway mass public opinion to his perverted way of thinking.
First question: "How old are you?". Also the last question.
Unfortunately the time it took Gallup to finally reach me was enough for me to age out of their demographic group. Fie!

5 boxes

of Count Chocula. Enough you say? I think not.
Do you believe the Bushy Gov't will get the message from the election results? (see above response. But at least that chode Rumsfeld is out.)
And what wiseguy decided to spell the word 'do' with only one 'o'? It's completely throwing off fake words like 'donut'.

Happy Halloween!

"If you focus on the finger, you'll miss all that heavenly glory".
(Just kidding, I'm not dressed up as Bruce.)

Still waitin' for 2 things...

to flood us consumers: chocolate mint flavored M&M's and chocolate cola. Spell it Choklit if you want, you Marketing Slime, but get it out there. It's gold I tell you!!
Going into a Panera is like stepping foot into a businessperson's convention. Sheesh. The food might not be tasty enough to offset this. And the "reduced sugar Asian sesame vinaigrette" tastes remarkably like "reduced sugar via added artificial sweetener Asian sesame vinaigrette" but I guess that name's too long.
Lookit me, I'm freakin' prolific these days! Easy when one writes pure nonsense.

New nickels? Why?!

For whatever reason the US Mint is crankin' out new nickels. And if you thought Jefferson looked ugly on 2005's "bighead profile version" wait'll you see this year's. He's an abomination of nature! Don't stare too closely or you'll turn to stone. It almost makes you feel uneasy carrying this thing in your pocket and it's so hideous I bet the coin instantly depreciates below it's 5¢ worth.

Sabor Latino

La Yogurt now offers horchata flavor!! Sweet heaven! La Yogurt, that is why I love you so. Oh, and also for your strawberry fruit cup & piña colada.

Halloween means it's Count Chocula time and I'm on a cereal-consuming rampage. Hide the women and children.

Ladies, a warning:

(fellows, you should already know this). Many office men do not wash up after 'conducting their business', numbers 1 or 2. Be wary of that pat on the back or handshake! God, I hope it's not the same with both genders. Someone please give me some insider info!

Ka-POW!!!!

The majority of my office building is occupied by some sort of Health Care Service. One of the signs in the lobby points towards an "Intoxicated Driver Resource Center". I really hope that when one opens the door for that facility it's just a huge boxing glove on a spring that pops out and clobbers the person. Plus a sign that screams, "DON'T DO IT YOU THOUGHTLESS, SELFISH ASSHOLE!!!" because, really, what else needs to be said?

(the long awaited)Cereal Review: Nature's Path Optimum ReBound
I've been gettin' all healthy-shmealthy with my cereals of late. The healthiest & shmealthiest may well be this cereal which consists of freeze-dried bananas, almonds, flax seeds, raisins, matcha green tea, and all this other organic/oaty/nutty/wheaty stuff. I don't even know what a bunch of it is but it must be healthy cuz there's pictures of marathon runners on the box. Anyways, it tastes great if you just let the bananas rehydrate a little prior to your eating them.

Oh yeah

And I have a lot 'on my plate' as they say. Busy times! I gots like a 20 box backlog of cereals I must go through.

color us bronze (unfunny basketball talk)

The recently completed World Basketball Championships saw the US women's team fail in their usual fight to the gold as they managed but a bronze medal! This is the same 3rd place finish as the US men's accomplishment earlier in the summer in their WBC, however the difference between the two is drastic.
The men were lucky to medal at all. Though their players were more committed than in recent years, USA basketball's approach for the men is still completely wrong. They're still slapping superstars together with a very short training period and the players continue to underestimate other countries' teams.
The women's loss is a bit of a shock though. I know they're bringing in new, young players, and they lost Lisa Leslie, but they've been the best for so long it's unreal. The Aussies beat them this year in a scrimmage or something, but the US women's team has ~50 straight international wins in tournaments over the last decade.
Now, Russia and Australia are both powerhouse teams who compete very well against the US, but Team USA women's approach to international competition is exemplary. They barnstorm together, keep the WNBA season complementary with FIBA rather than flout them, etc. (though this year was a little rough). It might have just come down to the fact Lisa Leslie wasn't there because that is how phenomenal she is. Well, they handled themselves with class and grace which is always a question mark with the men. At least, I think they did. It's tough to tell since the goddamned TV channels didn't broadcast a single game of the women's WBC!!! Pure crap.
Anyway, I'm still proud of the women. And I'm amped about the upcoming NBA season, despite everything wrong with that league. With hoops on the mind then, and to celebrate the women, here would be my WNBA favorites/dream team starting 5:

Center - Lisa Leslie (still the best)
Power Forward - Lauren Jackson (I'm finagling here cuz she's gotta start, should be a center, D-Nasty a PF, and Tamika the SF)
Small Forward - Delisha Milton "D-Nasty"/"Sunshine", 2 great nicknames, tells you how her game is (she is my favorite. Period)
Shooting Guard - Diana Taurasi (I like her game. If I were basing a team on looks then she'd have to be subbed by Becky Hammon though, who's very good regardless. And somehow Stacey Dales would have to be in there too.)
Point Guard - Sue Bird (my 2nd favorite)

Honorable mention - Tamika Catchings (she's just a beast, in a good way). Candace Parker will be an absolute monster (again, in a good way) when she turns pro also.

I don't wanna jinx the Nets this year but I'm feeling good about 'em. Can't fucking wait!

Awful!

It took the band Soul Asylum 8 years to come up with this??

You might be right
You might be wrong
You might just think your life has gone on for too long

Your knees get weak
And your heart grows cold
And youre tired of doing everything youre told

And nothing can take away from you
What you take and what youve been through

Stand up and be strong
Stand up and be strong
It wont take long
You cant go wrong
Stand up and be strong

You might have to fight
You might have to cry
You might have to cry
You might have to fight
Stand up and be strong

If you live in the hills
You take too many pills
If youve lost the thrill
Against your own will
Stand up and be strong

And nothing can take away from you
What you take
Well you know what youve got to do

Stand up and be strong
Stand up and be strong
It wont take long
You cant go wrong
Stand up and be strong

If you get all depressed
When you get undressed
If youre lifes a mess
Remember youre blessed
Stand up and be strong

The good thing about this song though is you can extend it indefinitely with your own lyrics:
"Your breakfast was small, don't trip or you'll fall, stand up and be strong".
Or "You went out for a stroll, You stepped in a hole, Your girlfriend's a Pole, stand up and be strong".
How about "You wish you could fly, You ate too much pie, You ate too much pie stand up and be strong". I think I could do this all day actually!

It doesn't inspire confidence...

driving on the freeway behind a sewage tanker transport truck. Especially one with a port-a-pottie precariously strapped to its back via one bungee cord. "Nosir, I don't like it."

Thumbs down are also in order for when drivers chuck their chewed bubble gum out their windows. 'What's the big deal?' you might ask. Let's just say, once upon a time several years ago, you spent a good deal of your earnings purchasing your first new car. Nothing fancy, possibly a black Nissan, but it was yours and it was shiny and clean. Then, perhaps on the 2nd or 3rd day of ownership, during your work commute in the blistering summer heat, you rolled through a gooey piece of said discarded gum and it sprayed all over your fender and wheel-well causing you to have a massive conniption*. And only after months of bitterness, when your new beauty's bumpers were completely trashed by poor NYC parallel parkers, and your doors dented by old suburban NJ farts parked next to you in the supermarket lots, folks who should've given up the ghost years back, and you realized what true new-car-owner misery was, only then could you ease up on the gum litterbug. But just a little bit, you fucker!
The end.

Moral of the story? I'm gonna git chu, sucka!!!*

^{*I love the 80's!}

I have rebuilt my computer system (again x ∞) this time for good. Right?

Last Train to Clarksville

I swear I just saw a Western Union banner ad with Micky Dolenz in it.

big news!

The world's astronomers have decided at last that Pluto no longer counts as a planet and has, instead, been demoted to 'dwarf planet' status. This is good as they've finally agreed upon a definition for what 'planet' means.

In other news, this is my 2nd work post and I'm close to rebuilding my home PC. I will soon be blogsurfing again! Also, I really haven't eaten much cereal lately. Has the world gone mad?!!

my home computer

is seriously scrod. (my first post from work!)

dunno 'bout this grammar

Were a man's schlong so long as to dangle in the toilet water whenever he sits upon the pot, would that not be more curse than blessing?

That Tail's Gotta Be Really, Really Long

Word on the street is niche markets are reshaping the new economy. Actually it isn't the street so much as the corporate boardroom, where crusty old White guys in suits steer the course of my life and yours toward the most profitable destination (for them). Stuff one hears on the street sounds more like: "Ohmigawd, that skirt is SO nawt hawt", "Didjew hear? Mel Gibson's changing his name to Gibblestein", & "I'll suck yo' dick fo' five dollas" (truth be told only one of these has been said to me).

Anyway, to get the jump on the new direction in which we're headed, here's a list of the "next" "big" "sellers" for the niche folk:
<sub>1. footbath flavored potato snacks
2. gift certificate to the "Saggy Grannies In Soiled Adult Diapers" revue
3. Pigfucker TV
4. drugs, drugs, drugs
5. Hot Pockets' Pre-chewed Dinners
6. Danielle Steele books. No WAY a mass audience would be into THAT crap
7. Fruit for Dessert, Inc. franchise rights
8. Instructional video for men: "How to sit with your legs together on crowded public transportation"
9. We Love Bird Flu Club membership
10. subscription to Spice Up Your Anus magazine, the bi-weekly publication dedicated to people who like putting spice & other condiments in their rectums.</sub>

the truth hurts

In case you wonder why Ashlee Simpson doesn't have a "cool urban" name, the answer's simple: A.Simp is remarkably uncool. The only way she'd do worse is if her name were Ashlee Hole.

Other Items of note:
This seems legit but how can it be? "Yeah, the guy in the ridiculously awesome electric car named after the best inventor ever DOESN'T have to look like Ed Begley Jr.? C'MON!!" L's a Tesla fan, she's gotta be excited.

Also, I caught the women's 9-ball BCA Open championship on TV recently. This girl (she's only 20!) was fucking incredible. She rocked everybody including Karen Corr & Allison Fisher, the 2 women who always win everything. Seriously, I've never seen someone consistently sinking three balls on the break like that. This Jasmin lady was so precise it was a thing to behold. These players always inspire me to head to the pool hall where I blow a wad of cash in exchange for supreme frustration since I can't even hit the ball straight despite all my calculations of velocity, spin, and other assorted trickery. "It's all physics and geometry!" PFFFFLLLPPTTT.

Cereal Review (times 2!): Double Chocolate Cookie Crisp & Peanut Butter Cookie Crisp
These two are just not freakin' worth it. Get the original. Well not the 'chocolate chips turn the milk purple' original but the normal, current Cookie Crisp. No joke, it rivals Count Chocula as one of my all-time favorites plus it goes on sale at times of the year not named Halloween.
Have a good weekend, I'll be stopping by as many blogs as I can between Munchy (the name o' my PC) crashes.

Mr. Obvious Humor (this one's for you, David Cross & Jay Leno!)

Video card is on the fritz so I'll keep this short
My new high fiber, flax, & lactose diet is really paying dividends!
I just referred to "poop" as "dividends".
I'm not ready to write all these "tasty nuggets" during work hours. Maybe once I'm acclimated. The wrong first impression would leave a "real stain" on my reputation. This chocolate milk needs another "Hershey squirt" in it.

childhood aspirations

Do kids actually say to themselves, "when I grow up I wanna be paparazzo"? These paparazzi swarm like roaches. Where do they come from?

you can take that... to the bank. the blood bank.

NJ's up and running again, Poland's president has named his twin brother as prime minister, and Steven Seagal thinks he's a blues musician (I can't believe I quoted that fat fraud in my title). Seems like a good time to post a picture of me in front of Kenosha Wisconsin's crackerjack Mars' Cheese Castle. Summer sausages? Outtasight!!

NJ. Closed.

Today's rant-
   So New Jersey is currently shut down with only "essential" state employees on the clock. The reason is a budget deficit. Again (surprise!). Governor Corzine's proposed 1% sales tax increase is being stonewalled by his own party and things be gettin' ugly. Republicans, seeing a chance to bolster their position, are lashing out at whomever's in range. If NJ's leaders were any more inept they'd be declaring war on Iraq. Zing! Bottom line: no budget = no pay for state workers. Thus beaches, parks, casinos, etc. shut down and folks are bitching & moaning about their ruined summers. Obviously these are 'big picture' people.
   NJ loves taking out 30 year loans, borrowing from the future for a quick fix. If it's actually used to stop that sort of behavior, a 7% sales tax vs. 6% won't kill me. $.99 hamburgers will either drop to $.98 or increase to $1.03 so no one will have to deal with stupid pennies and my mental math will need to adjust; not so bad. There's actually a pretty easy solution to this entire crisis. SPEND LESS FUCKING MONEY!!!! I don't want to hear "300 schools get olympic size swimming pools and new laptops for every student". Nor "union employees retire at 55 with lifetime benefits for them & their families". Ditto "state gives (pro sports franchise) $500 mil. for new rent-free arena".
   If the pols try their best and yet, inconceivably, still can't pay for essential programs then raise the carbon/gas/fuel tax. It's not like people will stop driving. But they might ditch the behemoths in favor of fuel-efficient cars. This reads like a Hans Christian Anderson fairy tales doesn't it? Those always were gruesome stories.

Next week's rant- Aging multibillion dollar scoundrels who suddenly donate a sizeable portion of their wealth to philanthropic organizations in hopes of spit-polishing the shit off of their legacy and buying their way into heaven. It won't work, you jerkoffs!
Actually, there's not much more to say about it.

Whoop de damn doo (Nerd alert!)

A company finally decided to suck it up and hire me so I'm returning to the workforce performing career-related job duties! Yay! To give you an idea as to how long I've been out of "the Game" allow me to provide a reference point. During that time a Third Age passed in our world (well, it's that age when everyone gets married and buys homes) and the Ents conferred and opted to go off to war forcing the normally domestic Entettes to head to the factories. Upon returning from combat the workforce influx shifted their economic structure, hurdling them into a service-based society. Now, fully 2/3 of all your digital camera & printer troubleshooting questions are routed to their call centers. The helpdesk phone numbers are not toll-free either so be wary. Average call length is approx. 17 days (which is actually quite good in Ent-time).

And thank goodness I will soon have dental coverage again. My teeth are gettin' crowded. I'm not talking "saturday afternoon at the Jersey mall" crowded, I'm talking "portapotties at a 3 day all-you-can-eat Olestra chili & bran muffin jamboree" crowded. The culprits are 3 impacted wisdom teeth. When I got my first wisdom tooth yanked it was a disaster of Biblical proportions. I think I saw locusts. Or cicadas or something. It was a terrible ordeal but I certainly had no plans of doing that Tom Hanks 'Castaway' shit either. This time I'll insist the oral surgeon gas me. Which reminds me, Happy Independence Day! Even to all you countries out there under the thumb of occupational forces from a foreign nation whose administration is attempting to curb the free press, a key element to the checks and balances system of a democracy. I'm sure plenty of firecrackers will be shot off though AK-47s will probably do in a pinch. Remember, Safety first.

quality

And now, courtesy of Mr. Cheeks' Lights, Camera, Action!, a lyrical excerpt for your enjoyment:
"Dances around, she struts with the fuck-walk,
touches her toes, and she can make her butt talk".

By the way, Textures has released a new album!! Their site has free songs for you to download. They also have a new singer and he's better than the last. I'd describe them as a more accessible Meshuggah; lotta polyrhythms but with some melody thrown in. I like 'em even if they have been dubbed "the best metal band from the Netherlands". I mean, what else is there to compare with besides The Gathering and After Forever? These bands are all so far removed on the metal spectrum it's like comparing roasted chicken gizzards, pretzels, & edible underwear. They may all be tasty but that's about where the similarities end. Ahem, at least I've heard they're all tasty. I've yet to try pretzels. Oh!(ba dum tschhh!)

It's over

And the NBA season couldn't have ended in a more abhorrent fashion. Dwyane Wade's fantastic but it's impossible to stomach Alonzo Mourning. Such a colossal jerk that Shaq almost seems ok in comparison. So what's to be learned from this hoops season?
A. the dress code- It's old hat and was dissected nicely by Monkey Migraine months ago but here's a quick recap: 1.) NBA players were required to wear business casual clothes to league-related functions causing a stink amongst players. 2.) that's it.

I thought the dress code was great because it taught kids three valuable lessons. 1. Judge a book by its cover. That's right, kids. Prudish white businessmen were scared because the league's full of 'thuggish' black folk. Also there happened to be a huge player/fan brawl in Detroit last year (Who wouldn't want to get into a fight in Detroit? It looks like it could be "brawl capital of the world"). By dressing players in khakis & polo shirts on bus/plane rides to arenas this aberrant behavior was stopped dead in its tracks.
2. You can't fight city hall. The Man can do anything he wants to you and if you've got a problem with it he'll give you the shaft. The sooner kids learn this life lesson the sooner they can drop that "naive" stuff and just grow old and wait for death like the rest of us.
3. Business casual includes "dress jeans". ¿Qué?
B. the women's league- The professional women's game is better paced than the men's and plays much closer to that of the Average Joe's non-athletic-freak-of-nature style. Also the women earn reasonable paychecks and actually interact with the real world. However they'll have a hard time reaching a broader audience when guys like Shaq & Charles Barkley constantly demean it. What a strange mixed message comissioner Stern is sending.
C. fans- As long as you score 81 points in a game you probably can rape to your heart's content. I wonder who drive intoxicated more, male pro athletes or hollywood actors?
D. I was wrong- I was wrong in ways unimaginable about the playoffs. Holy hell were my predictions off! As Linus proclaimed in The Great Pumpkin, "Just wait till next year!!!"

computer time will be scarce this week (again)

al-Zarqawi's dead. Hooray! Hooray USA! All is right with the world again and I believe I just saw the ozone layer replenish itself. Right above a new colony of Passenger Pigeons!
Did You Know?
Lesser known than the Patriot Act, but even more important at striking fear in the hearts of Islamist Extremists bent on the destruction of 'freedom' in this world, is the Hooray USA Act which also spawned from the sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. Brief passages are excerpted below:

-For the next 7 years 2 months or until a Democrat takes office, it is a criminal offense to criticize the federal government, Texas, or any Tom Cruise or Carrottop movies (G.W. luvs 'em) unless you are a rich White corporate executive. OTHERWISE THE TERRORISTS WIN.

-For the subsequent 2 sports seasons pro athletes may not be referred to as heroes, nor shall they describe the games they play as "wars" nor their teammates as "soldiers". If possible, pro athletes must abuse human growth hormones. OTHERWISE THE TERRORISTS WIN. At baseball.

-Police officers, including meter maids, must be deemed "real heroes". Terrorizing US citizens is THEIR jobs, not some raghead's. O.T.T.W.

-US citizens' vehicles must be adorned with magnetic ribbons. Failure of the owners to do so must result in violence against both the vehicle and the vehicle's owner to teach them allegiance. O.T.T.W. AGAIN.

-Should a leader of an 'Axis of Evil' nation attempt to obtain nuclear capabilities, the president must refuse to engage in talks with said leader. He may only engage in talks regarding "nuke-ular capabilities". O.T.T.W.A.

-US citizenry must continue about their lives no differently than they did pre-attack. Acceptable behavior includes: American Idol or Will & Grace viewing, purchasing teeny dogs or oil-hungry oversized homes & sport utility vehicles (tax breaks provided to those who do all the above), hating soccer, receiving tattoos- lower back suns for women or tribal armbands for men though upside-down Chinese characters acceptable for both genders, truncating names and word structures (eg. Terminator 2=T2, Sept. 11=9/11, Merv Griffin=M.Grif), wearing religious crosses as decorative jewelry. O.T.T.W.

Cereal Review: Kashi Organic Promise Cinnamon Harvest
I must admit I'm starting to like this Kashi stuff. Cinnamon Harvest contains but 4 ingredients!! Organic whole wheat, organic evaporated cane juice, organic cinnamon, & natural cinnamon flavor. It's even certified organic by Quality Assurance International. I have no idea what that means. Since this cereal's not mineral fortified, there's little going on in the nutrients dept: fiber, protein, potassium, & iron. Just as nature intended. I don't recall stories of 6'6" cavepeople living to 110 years old. I'll get my vitamin C from an orange or something. I don't know where the hell riboflavin comes from. Anyway KOPCH is some tasty cinnamon-y shredded wheat. Good enough for this snaggletoothed dying midget.

a shame

Latin jazz pianist Hilton Ruiz died last week after suffering a serious accident last month. 54. The guy had serious skills. And talent.

Yeah, but where's your dignity?

Here's a story about a fellow who received numerous free credits for a music download service named Sony Connect. This guy thought, "what a little slice of heaven. I'll be able to legally obtain delightful songs like 'Contagious' by Y&T, 'Hold Me Now' by the Thompson Twins, and UTFO's 'Pick Up the Pace'". Their free proprietary software SonicStage would be his "Key to the Golden City". But it turns out the city was actually Camden, NJ. This experience, I imagine, is not unlike being given a pet as a gift. A cuddly pet that'll never learn to behave and will keep shitting inside your house. Sure it looks adorable and is full of such wonderful potential that you shower it with love but it keeps crapping all over your house!!! Actually this analogy stinks but suffice to say, SonicStage is shitting all over my computer.

Its problems are too numerous to mention and Sony tech support is no goot. Once, their recommendation broke my computer further forcing me into heavy investigation which eventually led to my fixing the problem. I guess that counts as 'help'. By and large though Sony tech support's way of dealing with complaints is to shovel more free download credits at me. Everyone's got a price. Mine's the Andrews Sisters' 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy'.

Oh and you know what else sucks? Funky Winkerbean. That comic strip blows more than a broke, toothless crackwhore.

On a more pleasant note, Happy and Blue2 is back! Check out his new site (not the old, cybersquatted one).
Also, if you like reading about food in Japan, please take a look at Kenny's blog.

Remember,

if you value your movie watching experience, dear god do not read a Time magazine review of the film beforehand!! It can lead only to surprise spoilers and misery. 1940s cinema-goers ready to paint the town red during that trying era, on their way out the door to the moving pictures show, probably glanced in their mailboxes only to be greeted with the blaring headline "Rosebud was his sled!". As the saying goes, Time waits for no Man (to first watch a movie before ruining key parts).

Cereal Review: Quaker's Chocolatey Peanut Butter Crunch
To say I was disappointed would be inaccurate as I've experienced previous failed Cap'n Crunch attempts at chocolate (Choco-Crunch) so I knew what to expect. Plus regular Cap'n Crunch contributed to my "Great Vomit Incident of '85". Still, I love Peanut Butter Crunch and, well, one never knows for sure. Alas, this product rates but a "met expectations". If you truly are hankering for a chocolate/peanut butter cereal kapow, opt for General Mills' Reese's Puffs.

Telltale sign

If a guy calls a woman a 'ho' or refers to her 'jugs' or her 'can', chances are he's a closet farmer. Also check if his boots are coated in manure. In this 2nd instance, if he's NOT a farmer then good god what the fuck is he doing?!!

Here's one of the few jokes I can remember:
This couple had an excellent relationship until one day the man came home from work to find his girlfriend packing. He asked her why she was leaving him and she said she had heard awful things about him.
"What could they possibly have said to make you move out?"
"They told me that you were a pedophile."
He replied, "That's an awfully big word for a ten year old."

And finally, Nets, get your act together! I cannot accept you guys losing to Alonzo Mourning.

6/6/6

To the left is an unretouched newspaper photo of the current pope. Goddamn he's a frightening looking figure! Don't tell me he's not giddy about the impending 6/6/06 this summer.


Extra!
As stated earlier, the Battle of Westernized Soy Milk has but 2 major combatants. However it would be pure folly to overlook piddling insurgents. ZenSoy is one such outlier. For consistency's sake, vanilla was again the flavor of choice. ZenSoy's viscosity falls directly between those of the 2 champs. Perfect! It's "pricepoint" (whew, when did English become such a stupid language?) is lower than both as well. The problem is ZenSoy's overpowering vanilla flavor. It's got "Big Dumb American Palate" written all over it. This brand is probably the soymilk of choice in Hollywood. Still, since it's relatively cheap, one could always purchase a carton of regular & one of vanilla and mix the two. Silk & 8th Continent better not get complacent.

Beetle Bailey Office Coping Mechanism

To bypass insipid office chatter, try the following:
_{A.) Avoid eye contact. If you accidentally do meet someone eye to eye:
B.) Hear his/her sigh & initial gripe about something that, though it sucks, is not interesting at all.
C.1) Respond with a fairly innocuous, barely witty comment.
or
C.2) Respond with a sympathetic profanity.
D.) Elicit a laugh by chortling at remark (C).
E.) Walk away while laughing.*
*I learned this handy tip from reading Beetle Bailey cartoons growing up.}

This post was inspired by the following ridiculous dialogue.

Adidas Yellow Series

I feel I am required by ethnicity to mention that Adidas is producing a Yellow Series of sneaker. Please note the graphic on the tongue. A bit of an odd approach for a company to take, no? If further shoe series include a "little Black Sambo" model and a "red-nosed drunken Irish" model then things are hunky-dory. Otherwise I may be a bit put-off.
The acceptable approach in life, afterall, is "You can't please everyone but you can piss everyone off". And that can be amusing. Anyways Adidas tend to aggravate my achilles.

In other major news! The Battle of Westernized Soy Milk
So which is it gonna be? Silk or 8th Continent? Both have their pros and cons. For instance, Silk's vanilla flavor is subtle but it has that ultra-thick weirdness to it. Like those low-fat milks made to resemble the consistency of whole milk and which fail miserably. 8th Continent's vanilla flavor on the other hand is a little overpowering and it's much more runny. Almost resembling rice milk. Plus it comes in the new 'much more difficult to grasp' bottle shape! Both have been tested on flaky cereals and both passed. However, since rice milk is just one step away from horchata! I give the nod to 8th Continent.

GodhasWheels' Story Hour

Imagine the story of Willie Packer, a Black man trying to break into the NASCAR racing phenomenon. This "sport's" rabid fans, an interesting phenomena in and of themselves, have taken to calling him 'Fudge' due to his skin tone and love of brownies. A nickname of Fudge Packer normally upsets a man because of its derogatory nature, and in public Willie certainly acts affronted, but in private he is a closet flamboyant homosexual and actually relishes the name though it has nothing to do with relish, which he consumes in mass quantities along with the brownies. Now little does he know, many of the established redneck NASCAR drivers are also secretly gay and were initially drawn to the activity because of the homoerotic symbolism revolving around big cars & big engines. Though they distrust melanined folk, that fear would be trumped by their admiration for a man who could outwardly champion their cause within the community. Plus Willie's perty good-lookin'.

And so the wheels are in motion for Fudge to be a true ground-breaker in this bizarre national pastime. Literally, for Willie's day job is jackhammer operator for the city's transportation commission during their massive overhaul of the metropolis' roadways. Find out what happens next as disparate worlds collide due to Willie's carelessness, for while daydreaming about his third interest, astronomy, he accidentally strikes an underground power generator triggering a bizarre magnetic field anomaly around the globe. This sets off a chain of events, not to mention several fires and alarms, that results in the hurtling through space towards Earth of the tiny iron planet named Racsan. It's populated by dark-skinned raging heterosexuals who hate nothing more than car-racing, road construction, & chocolate fudge. Stay tuned!!!

Update:More lawyer letters. Running tally currently stands at 10. Let's see how many I'll get now that I've massacred the family down the street. Enjoy the weekend.

collywobbles

I just like the word. Though, perhaps I've got a bit of it.

feeding frenzy

Recap:! Sunday night- didn't stop at supermarket parking lot exit stopsign and issued a summons by "gotta make month-end quota" cops.
! Info not yet in their online system when I got home past midnight. (ie. monday morning)
! Wednesday- received letter from lawyer looking to defend me in the case "State of NJ vs. Glomgold".
! Thursday- received 4 more lawyer letters. Good fucking god!

And a big FUCK YOU, CUNTS!! to United Airlines Rewards Magazine Subscription Customer Service Center. Since Dec 2005 I've tried numerous times to get an address change. No big whoop you say? Last week I was told a customer service rep would call me back to help resolve the issue. Apparently it's tuff stuff, may require a doctorate. The message left for me today stated they cancelled my magazine for me. "Wh' happened?" Upon calling them back the lady on the other end would only say, "It's been cancelled b/c you have 2 subscriptions to the same magazine". I told her in no uncertain terms that's pure horseshit and to please explain what the hell is going on. But she was programmed only to say those same words (undergrad of the parakeet speech-training school). More calls & yelling ensued.
End result: magazine subscription = cancelled. Can't be reactived nor reordered b/c "it's not available". Well then how about my "2nd subscription"? Doesn't exist!
This is bad sitcom shit. Where's Fran Drescher? I guess I should take solace in the fact they'll all lose their jobs to India soon.

the boys in blue

This post is dedicated to the nation's police officers. Specifically the fucking jerkoff and his cocksucking partner who issued me a summons for rolling through the stop sign of a supermarket parking lot at 11:30pm on a sunday night. Thanks you chodes! Well, I'm sure you guys will be there when there's major trouble or at least when there's guys smoking dope/drunk/on the phone & swerving all over the roads. Wait, no. I've yet to ever see that actually. Since this is the 'burbs you don't pull anyone over unless they're Black. Or unless it's late night and you're upset at yourselves again for not having the guts to join the military and thus take it out on a poor ol' Chinese guy who just wanted to buy a bottle of orange-glo cleanser (and who didn't even find it). My next positive experience with a cop will be my first.
So, this next paycheck of mine goes out to you, you corrupt bastards. And to my soon to be increased auto insurance premiums. Rot in hell you useless scum. I salute you. Fuck off! Big time.

The age of Man

What a glorious time for us men to be alive. Not only did L show us many months ago that we're smarter than women (based off of skewed research provided by men) but there is a plethora of bald-headed celebs whom we can idolize too should we be of the follicly-challenged ilk.

This was not always the case. Why even in the last few decades there were scant few chromedomes one could admire. The choices were basically Telly Savalas, Ernst Blofeld, Destro, or that 'ha ha ha, 7-Up' guy. Why, in the 80's if a fellow didn't wear lots of makeup, get a perm, and "grow (his) hair to the sky", as stated in Cinderella's Gypsy Road, he wasn't a man! Not so now.

Lastly, I bet all those impotent dudes who've been hiding in caves for the past half century are now rejoicing. Not only has their condition's name been softened (hoo!) to 'E.D. ie. erectile dysfunction' but every other ad in the US is some sort of pill that treats it. Now is the era. The era for bald, impotent men. Just look at our VP! Actually I think I'd prefer Ernst as our leader.

Song of the week: "Treat Her Like a Prostitute" by Slick Rick. Oh don't worry, if anyone gets treated like a prostitute around here it's me, by corporate america. The "invisible hand of Capitalism" reams me a new one daily, and for a mere pittance.

Boring

No doubt I've been most boring of late. And I don't mean plain ol' boring, I'm talking Rik (Mayall) & Neil in The Young Ones boring. Bhaaahwwing. So here's an update regarding my to-do list from a month ago:
Obtain 80's songs "One Night in Bangkok", "Electric Avenue", & "Break My Stride". -check

Eat Total Vanilla Yogurt cereal. -check (not my stylo but I could see the yogurty thing being addictive to folks). I know The Frog Princess is a big Total fan.

Eat Great Grains cereal. -check. Quick Cereal Review: Despite my initial hesitance due to the presence of dried dates (I always find them a turnoff for some reason), this cereal rocks. It's so hearty I feel like I'm eating a bowl of trailmix with milk. You know how most cereals are flakes with some clusters thrown in? Well this stuff is the opposite; I'm hard-pressed to find flakes at all actually. Awesome. Thanks Sara for the recommendation.

So what's left? I guess the Yogurt Cheerios and the stop being a putz and get real career-advancing work thing. I'd better get started on Cheerios...

na na na na na, HEY! na na na na

Taking my morning constitutional amidst a development of cookie cutter mcmansions, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sorrow for the owner of one particular house. Though he possessed the requisite horizontal off-white vinyl siding, backyard jungle gym, & large front entryway, he must certainly have been too poor to afford either the frontside brickface or the (I thought) standard 2 small first floor windows on the side of his home. For shame. I can only pray to our great wheeled god that the man will buy the best damn snow blower and riding lawnmowers on the market. You get that John Deere and you slap that magnetic yellow ribbon on the back, guy. Ya heard me?

one additional observation: Why are some NBA arenas playing Dream Theater and Yes songs?! "Owner of the Lonely Heart" is a far cry from Gary Glitter and I can't see the prog music/jock jams connection. Have members of these bands been indicted on child pornography charges as well?

throw another spouse on the barbie

People sometimes refer to ex's as "old flames". Well, TV show people do anyway. A post by H&B2 got me wondering, "cavemen didn't know about fire let alone flames so how did they refer to their ex's"? My guess is "dinner" as they probably ate their former partners. Not sure if the cannibalism caused the breakup or vice versa. Ideas?

Here's jeremapalooza, a new blog for you to peruse. As well as a shout out to Rust Belt Ramblings. Good stuff.

Kids=stoopid

Once upon a time...
During my childhood one cereal company was synonymous with 'pure crap'. Ralston. Excepting Cookie Crisp, which was not nearly as tasty as it's modern day variation (the "chocolate chips" would dissolve into a reddish-purplish mess in milk) Ralston's offerings were always disgusting. At some point the company became Ralston-Purina which should have been fair warning to all: "Hey kids. We manufacture but two things! Pet food and children's cereal!". Their trick was their clever cross-promotional schemes. They branded products like nobody's business. Ghostbusters, Dunkin Donuts, Nerds (shaped like a big-ass box of nerds containing two bags, one per side, each housing a different, awful-tasting cereal), Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Super Mario Bros., etc. This company took advantage of kids like you can't imagine. And we fell for it hook, line, & sinker because kids are stupid.
The end
_{p.s. adults are stupid too}

a suggestion

My advice to anyone who's on the verge of snapping and shooting up a bunch of people: gun down a corporate boardroom or something instead of your fellow wage-slaves. Jeez. You might even qualify for vigilante status rather than just "pure wacko on page 23 of the newspaper".

Happy Fill_in_the_blank Day!

Even if you don't know my feelings regarding valentine's day surely you can guess; I think it's basically nonsense. This ain't sour grapes or evil jewelry industry talk here either (that's for another day). I just find the 'holiday' to be either an obligation "hey you're so kind to me 364 days a year but you didn't get me anything special for valentine's, you JERK" or a get outta jail free card "oh you ignore me every day but february 14th, you sweetie pie".

Of course, I'm not much of a believer in birthday parties either. At least not for me. "Woot. I lived another year". I'm fairly young & healthy, I'm SUPPOSED to live another year!! Once people hit 70 and up though I say party away. There's a lot more risk involved for missed birthdays. In fact, I say celebrate anything that becomes a challenge. "Happy no-fender-benders-in-the-parking-lot Day!". "Surprise! Solid-food-for-lunch Tuesday!". "Yay! You didn't poop yourself!". Every day will be a party, Mad Hatter & March Hare like. But I still won't wear pink on Feb. 14th.

odds 'n ends

Recently I watched bits of a "faucet expo" on Home & Garden channel. Shockingly, and despite the hostess' bluster, there's really very little innovation happening in the world of faucet technology!! Sure, one of them came with a vase and another had "all hand-made" rectangular handles and spigot (WTF? Aren't rectangles the easiest things for machines to make?) but it'll take more to impress me. Something like this! Gotta get me one! Can't wait for the next power outage.

Cereal review: Total Vanilla Yogurt
I'm sorry froggie I just couldn't get into this. I was afraid the yogurted cereals might be too sweet for me and my fears were actualized. Plus I feel weird eating what's supposed to be dried, solidified yogurt. Suzi, I tried to get your recommended Yogurty Cheerios too (they were sold out) but I may now have to pass on 'em. Oddly, I can handle the tooth-rottin' sugars in the marshmallowed cereals so go figure. Hope this helps, Martini.

Lastly, I got to thinking, "what are some great cover songs?" before quickly giving up due to laziness. But not before coming up with one, Crisis' version of "Captain Howdy" which can be found on the Strangeland soundtrack. The original is by Twisted Sister on Stay Hungry and Captain Howdy is only part A of the song "Horror-teria". If this sounds too ambitious for hair-rockers-in-drag fear not. "We're Not Gonna Take It" & "I Wanna Rock" can be found on that same album.

Know of any good cover songs?

to-do list

-Post Great Grains cereal. Eat.
-Total Vanilla Yogurt cereal. Eat.
-Yogurt Burst Cheerios cereal. Eat.
-Health Valley Empower cereal w/ blueberries. Eat.
-Murray Head's "One Night In Bangkok" 80's song. Find.
-Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue" 80's song. Find.
-Matthew Wilder's "Break My Stride" 80's song. Find.
-Being a putz. Stop.
(Some of these may be mutually exclusive)

alas

As one can see, I've been celebrating the new year by not blogging. Being now a double new year I've been not blogging even more.

Truthfully my eyes & body have been fatigued of late rendering it uncomfortable being at the PC for extended periods. I blame it on my goofy chair at 'work' and my goofy chair at home. The work one's been replaced so hopefully things'll improve. (sidenote: Anyone know anything about these chairs? So popular a decade or 2 ago now impossible to find. They look comfy but I worry about inherent design flaws or something.)

Truth #2 is since everyone's blogs have been accumulating during my down-time I've become intimidated. "30 new posts" for each site popping up in my RSS feed is just scary since I like reading every entry. And then for me to post but not visit others gives me guilt and sloth feelings, hence I idle. That's the lazy kind of sloth by the way, not the 3-toed furry kind. But today will be different, here goes! (Different in regards to blogging, not the '3-toed furry feeling').

Glomgold's Tips for Workforce Success
Today's tip: Set a precedent by arriving early or on-time the first week. Park in the outskirts of the parking lot. This way in the future when you're tardy, if you successfully sneak in, people won't be able to guess your late arrival time by your parking location.

Cereal review: Smart Start 'Healthy Heart' Maple Brown Sugar
I've received many cereal recommendations in the past months and I plan on sampling them all. Once they go on sale. I'm not paying $5 a box for anything not named S'mores Crunch. Oh yeah, the new Smart Start flavor. It tastes like their normal Healthy Heart line but doused in Aunt Jamima pancake syrup. Too much. The ol' Soy Protein line is better anyway and a lot less caloric I think. I dunno since I don't really look at that stuff...

81 pts?

Fuck that shit. Wilt Chamberlain I understand cuz he was the baddest man on the planet and there's nothing anyone could do about it (he freakin' finger-rolled shots b/c he was afraid of breaking defenders' hands should they try to block his dunks fer crying out loud!!). As I've told everyone I know, you'd better believe if the Oak-man were still in the NBA Kobe would've been bleeding and broken in the 8th row by point 40. Toronto Raptors have no pride whatsoever and the commissioner should strongly consider kicking them out of the league immediately.

On a lighter note, today whilst calling some client rep. on the phone to ask if he were ready to process his blah-di-blah, the 80s-movie-Michael-Douglas-wannabe went off on me for several minutes. His rant ended with, "I'm always ready. I'm ready now, I was ready yesterday, I'm ready tomorrow, I was BORN ready." I would not have been a bit surprised if he finished with, "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast". No sir.

cheap bastard

Call me frugal, thrifty, a cheapskate, miser, skinflint, scrooge*, niggard, coupon clipper, tightwad, pennypincher, whatever, but $2.70 for a 1 lb. container of mediocre brand cottage cheese is bonkers. Actually don't call me 'skinflint' cuz that sounds too much like 'skinflute'.
*_{The real Flintheart Glomgold would never allow himself to be called Scrooge (McDuck).}

Brainstorm 2k6:
Remember those temperature-sensitive, color-changing t-shirts (Hypercolor™)?Why the hell doesn't Hasbro license a company to produce Transformer logoed t-shirts where the autobot/decepticon sign would change color? It'd be like walking around with your very own rub-off sign^© on your chest. That's pure gold baby!

happy happy, joy joy

Dear friend K was kind/cruel enough to introduce to me THIS oh-so-wonderful-but-completely-unnecessary item. GAT 203 is quite the looker, eh? The key is the instructional Flash demo at the bottom of the page.

Madge, you're soaking in it

Been exhausted so far this year and still recuperating a bit. In the meantime here's some nonsense. Ultra Palmolive dish detergent claims it's "Toughest On Grease" but maybe they need to meet Vinnie DeLuca who, when watching the film, just won't stop yapping about how awful Travolta & Olivia Newton-John are.

Cereal review: Breadshop's "Gourmet Raspberry 'n Cream Granola"
You know, it's granola. Tough to criticize that. But I'll try! There's not enough raspberries in it and yet it's a little more tart than I'd prefer. At least it's very natural with only 9 total ingredients, one of which isn't sugar. But I can add that badboy in myself. I think I can find more granola elsewhere for the price I paid.

2005, a year in review

A solar calendar year has passed which means everything is new right? Therefore there is hardly any news yet in 2006 and makes the time ripe for a retrospective. Here's a summary of things I've learned from 2005.

• Man, Mother Nature will still fuck you up.


• Celebrity nuptials and/or a ribbon purchase means americans can forget there are wars a-goin' on. Afghani-wha? $3 trillion budget? Does it star Brangelaniston?


• "Dancing with the Stars" was a primetime hit. Who knew? That it was a show I mean.


• The NBA's institution of a dress code ensured that kids will learn the 2 most important lessons in life: 'You can't fight city hall' & 'DO judge a book by its cover'. For a more in-depth analysis of this topic (and many more), visit Monkey Migraine Mountain. It'll blow your l'il monkey mind.


• Christmas items were on store shelves alongside Halloween ones in late August. Hmm, it might've been early September.


• I severely curtailed my DVD & CD purchasing and the sky did not fall as anticipated.


• Boy, there sure were a lot of good DVDs & CDs that came out in 2005.


• The gov'mint & mega-globo corps like the oil industry can do whatever the fuck they please and there is nada that can be done. Zip! So don't even waste yer time puckerin' up yer hole.


• Shockingly, good BBQ can be found in Jersey after all!

Here's to 2006!

new year, same horse hockey

Feeling better, many thanks to all you well-wishers! Now to catch up with both posting and reading. 2006, a new year. Imagine the possibilities! Flying cars, time travel, human vs. cyborg sporting events. I'll have to delve into this some more later. For now, a new profile pic. Been told by too many non-Asians & especially Asians (most recently by InfiniteDragon) that I don't look Chinese. People often guess Korean though also Japanese, White-halfsie, Puerto Rican(??), etc. Koreans really love assuming I'm Korean.
The 2nd order of business is taking care o' this meme tagged to me by the lover-ly frog princess. Here goes:

^{Four jobs I've had in my past:}

• Computer network admin: career path


• Movingman: once for a lady whose house was full of Nazi shit


• Temperature-sensitive-stamp plant worker: sprayed liquid Nitrogen on each other as pranks. Whoo!


• Festival security watchman: tried reporting a fat jerk I didn't like to no avail

Four things I want to do before 2006 is over:

• Continue career work: want ain't quite the right word


• Perform live: the band needs work


• See the whale sharks


• Visit my sister again

Four things I say a lot:

• Holy poop!: heh heh. poop.


• ¡Tienes huevo!: you got balls


• "You son of a bitch. How are you?!": long story


• "Gotta avoid that shaft": can you guess which show it was from?

Four things I don't trust:

• rich people: they're up to something


• poor people: they want something


• the government: bend over and take it


• the average joe asshole: ditto

Four things I do trust:

• my family


• closest friends


• myself


• music

Four people from history I'd like to meet:

• Nikola Tesla: I'd like to ask about his death-ray amongst other things


• Abe Lincoln: seems an interesting fellow


• Charles Schulz: just to thank him for impacting my life


• Bruce Lee: gotta learn that one inch punch!

Four best movies of 2005:
well, I saw these in 2005 anyway. Didn't watch many movies last year

• Batman Begins


• Kung Fu Hustle


• Born to Fight: (purely for the stunts)


• House of Flying Daggers

Four best books I read in 2005: (uh oh)

• Paris 1919 by Margaret Macmillan (not done)


• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams


• Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky: good enough to count for 2! Plus anything else I read (not much) is not worth listing

Four people tagged: (who probably will ignore this)

• Monkey King


• Thulsa Doom


• Sara


• Violet

This was long and probably useless to any of you who stuck it out, but I salute you! With a real "Bronx cheer".

flu

I will have much catching up to do once I'm better. Merry new year.