Mar 15, 2005

Blame it on the Crystal Pepsi

I'm a sucker for new food gimmicks. If Taco Bell rearranges their 7 ingredients and this time wraps the cheese outside the taco shell, I'm there! If Burger King wants to slather BBQ sauce on a whopper and call it a Rodeo Burger, giddyup baby! And then if they slap some bacon on it next week and call it the Big Ranchero Whopper, I'll get it again. This can all be traced back to when I missed the boat on Crystal Pepsi. Though everyone concurs that it sucked, I didn't get to experience that suckitude first-hand. Since then I have subjected myself to the horrors of Pepsi Blue, Malta Goya, Tom Tucker's mint soda, and countless others. I am trying to stop this bad habit though. It all comes down to one of two choices: succumb to the obsessive compulsions or bite my thumb at the marketing execs and resist. My body's convulsing.

Cereal Review, Klassix:
General Mills S'mores Crunch (pulled from the market, reincarnated a few years later as S'mores Grahams, then yanked again fairly soon after). Replicating the taste of s'mores via chocolate coated golden grahams with mini-marshmallows. Would it be hyperbole to describe it as an 'orgasm in a bowl'? Yes. But just barely. Suffice to say, best fucking cereal. Ever. EVER!!! Are you listening to me?!! And they yanked it. Stella!!! STELLLAAAA!!!!!!! I could keep them in business single-handedly with that cereal; I go through a box of Count Chocula in one sitting. Please excuse me, I have to go cry. Again.

7 comments:

katie said...

I guess the Kellogs version won't do? I have heard it isn't that bad.

aprilbapryll said...

I happen to like crystal pepsi. I wish they'd bring it back. with all this nostalgia stuff, people would buy it! I'd buy it!
oh, and brown sugar frosted mini wheats are (is?) some tasty shit. try it out!

Happy and Blue 2 said...

You could try moving to Canada. We get every product about 10 years late..
When we finally get crystal pepsi I'll send you some.

glomgold said...

Katie-No no no!!! The Kellogg's Smorz won't do. They are awful.
FP-From your past suggestion I, in fact, have a box of the brown sugar mini-wheats and they pass the grade!
B2G-It did taste like fizzy Kool-Aid but not the flavor of Kool-Aid I like.
HB2-That might fix my life! I've worries it'd never get to me though. A friend once mailed me a cheesecake and I think the mailman stole it. Better send it C.O.D.

보보 said...

hm for some odd reason, i don't remember the crystal pepsi. i must be growing old..

on the other hand, i miss the original sprite remix. whatever happened to it? now they only have berry-flavored ones! i feel robbed!

(i like your blog btw- it's very funny. :))

glomgold said...

VileFile-I prefer to think my tastes (like yours) are above the ordinary rabble.
Coco-Why, thank you. Oh wait! I missed Sprite Remix too?! Ho no!!!

Karen Schmautz said...

Whatever happened to Rice Krispies Treat cereal? My youngest asks me to get it everytime he figures out I am going to the store.

P.S. The answer to number 1 is BOOKS...I think. Thingy doesn't work.