Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee aka "If Andy Richter, why not I?"

It pleases me to no end when I'm able to garner genuine laughs from others. Everyone benefits and it's a nice temporary distraction from the daily grind. Despite global warming the world is a colder place than ever. My online journal, so called to lend it more heft than would blog, (you may call it OJ for short though that completely negates the heft I'd just attained), provides me an extra opportunity to entertain. Of course, only because you've decided to read it (thank you thank you).

Now, back to Andy Richter. He is of the Will Ferrell ilk in my opinion. Many love him and I've nothing against the guy but I've never found him funny. In fact I can recall the first (possibly only?) time I ever laughed at him. It was during his short-lived "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" show. A new, black employee also named Andy joined his firm and others started calling Richter 'big Andy' & 'white Andy'. He wanted people to call the new guy 'black Andy' but they exclaimed, "You can't call a guy 'black Andy'!!!". That's entertainment! But only that one time. Anyway, I've decided "If Andy Richter, why not I?", meaning the perfect profession for me would be 'Talk Show Sidekick'. I feel I'm well qualified and surely you'll agree once I run through my credentials.

The position requires the ability to interject one-liners and witticisms without having to sustain a coherent, challenging, and humorous dialogue. That's my forte! You may chuckle at some of my comments these days but if you got to know me you'd learn I'm quite superficial and there's really just nothing to me. Believe it!

Also of benefit, despite my worthiest efforts, I've acquired and retained vast amounts of useless pop culture trivia, or "knowledge" as I like to call it, which would be both handy and relevant to the job. In addition, I bear a certain level of disdain for celebrity (due either to jealousy or just dislike) which will make for interesting exchanges on the rare occasions I venture a question to the guest.

Another bonus is my exotic looks which will make the ladies swoon! True, ladies have never swooned, nor even come close to swooning around me, but that just means I'm due for some swoonin' action. (Never has anyone used 'swoon' 4 times in such close proximity. (5x!)).

Perhaps most important, I don't mind following in the wake of fame, in fact, I'd prefer it! I can reap benefits without having to absorb all the criticism and attention that the host must. I'm a homebody as well so the paparazzi won't cramp my style. Just so long as they don't peek in the windows when I'm doing "research" in my Juggs magazines.

Though I enjoy entertaining, I'm no court jester. I can flip the script and talk serious if needs be (reference my SiC lament if you don't believe me). It's not the "Meat bad, beans good" & "Convert to Scientology" type-serious that celebrities like to engage in, but it's a start.

Lastly, we Vespuccian Born Chinese Males (VBCMs) are a growing demographic in this country and are in search of an identity and a chance to flex our market-muscle. These VBCMs need a public mouthpiece to speak for them. I volunteer! Placing a VBCM such as I (VBCMsaI) one seat to the right of the media spotlight will provide a focus for other VBCMs (oVBCMs). Though, in actuality, I share very little in common with these other VBCMs (these oVBCMs), old white TV execs (oldWhi-TE) don't know that and by the time they find out, too bad; I'm under contract. I feel I have a great shot at success. I've made up my mind and will be starting my new gig tomorrow. Someone please point me in the right direction.