DVD Reviews!

If you're like everyone else, and from my perspective you ARE everyone else, you've avoided movie theaters like the plague. DVDs are the way to go! But do you know which to queue up in Netflix? Randomly selecting new films off the shelf at BlockClassActionLawsuitBuster is like playing Russian roulette; unless you're lucky, you're scrod* (ie. for those prices you could've BOUGHT a good DVD). Fear not. God^©Has^®Wheels_™ Inc.^℠ gots the skinny on recent DVD releases^‡.

Sin City - Based on a graphic novel. This is the initial "screw you consumer, in 2 months time we'll release a special edition DVD" version.
Upside of Anger - Kevin Costner. Skip.
Kung Fu Hustle - Won't stray far from the stylings of previous Stephen Chow films such as "Shaolin Soccer", "From Beijing With Love", & "The God of Cookery". And why should it? Those movies rock! There's a reason he's the Hong Kong King of Slapstick.
Paris Is Burning - An incendiary documentary dealing with gonorrhea and the dipshit rich bitch who spreads it around. Stick with the old U.S. Navy propaganda film "USS VD: Ship of Shame". A classic.
The Cave - Some shit about CGI monsters in a cave... wait, this is still in theaters?! I could've sworn it'd be direct-to-video.
Guess Who - I have no idea.
The Wedding Date - This may or may not deal with Owen Wilson & Vince Vaughn crashing weddings. Or it might have something to do with J-Lo pairing up with a much more talented actor who uses a full name. Quite possibly it's some big, fat, Greek thing. Is Hugh Grant in this?
Because of Winn-Dixie - How come we no longer have stores named Bambergers? Or Gimbals? Is it because of Winn-Dixie? I may have to watch this...
Constantine - Actor extraordinaire Keanu Reeves is back! Whoa! Do you know some Hawaiians call him a 'fake Hawaiian'? Bogus!
To Kill a Mockingbird - If I have to describe this all hope for you is lost.

_{*fun new way to say 'screwed'
^‡I have yet to view any of these}