Sudoku

There's been plenty o' hubbub about this Sudoku game. They say it'll "supplant crossword puzzles in the popularity charts of the newspaper reader-base". That was obviously paraphrased since it read like either a businessman's email (FYI:) or a high school essay scribbled in homeroom, but you get the gist of it. Anyway, for those unaware, it's a puzzle game consisting of a 3x3 grid wherein each box is another 3x3 grid (9x9 total). 1 through 9's are randomly scattered throughout and the puzzlee cannot replicate the same number per grid, row, nor column. The instructions boldly state it's NOT A MATH PUZZLE because knowing math is akin to having leprosy in modern day society. Any who have fiddled with this puzzle might have noticed that after a few times the novelty wears off. The same systematic approach can be used every time and never fails. It's sort of a sophisticated older brother to Tic Tac Toe (remember that gameshow Tic Tac Dough? That was sort of neat I guess. Or really stupid. I don't remember). I believe the game's got no legs. The press tells me it's "Zowie!". So is it actually winning fans the world over as claimed? Or has another marketing hypester been trying to rube the unsuspecting?

Make Your Thoughts Known!

Sudoku's Super!

Sudoku Sucks!!

You Suck!!!

I Want My $2!!

Note: It's doubtful this poll does anything. I'm still learning that part of it. But be a dear and try emailing me your selection anyway. Gracias.

Hello god? It's me, margaret. Wait! That's not right.

Last night I came face to face with god. Well, face to wheel would be more accurate. His tires had an aqua-channel tread which surprised me. I surmised he'd prefer all-terrain ones until I then wisened up. It's all for effect. My being eye level with the bottom of his wheel was for effect as well. He could've shrunk down to human size if he so chose. I was suspicious. "I really don't believe in you so how can you still be here?", I queried. (trip him up with some sound philosophy). His reply startled me not so much for the content, which was run of the mill George Burns and quickly forgotten, but for the delivery of said content. It was not spoken in clear, booming diction but in a nasally whine with sibilant S's. I was expecting Empire Strikes Back James Earl Jones and instead got that "Inconceivable!!" guy from Princess Bride.

Undaunted I asked him my most nagging questions.

"Meaning of life? Chop chop.
What's with this perpetuation of species crap? Humanity? C'mon, gimme something better.
What's it like in the presence of a black hole?
Why can't they release definitive versions of DVDs and then just leave 'em alone?
I'm going to hell aren't I?
Can you juggle cats?"

God exclaimed, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Could you repeat that?"
I told him, "You sure as hell heard me the first time. You're god isn't ya?"
His reply came, "You really wanna know? Go hang out with OJ Simpson. That guy is a real black 'hole."
Was god being facetious? Serious? Mysterious? Holy poop! Maybe he really is just a big white racist! I can imagine nothing worse in this world than the KKK actually being right about something. I told the big fellow, "I'm not sure that was appropriate." he shot back, "Get a job you bum" (bitchy!) and zoomed off. I tried chasing after him on foot but you know damn well I couldn't catch him. He spouted some other gibberish but the combined speed, lisp, and doppler effect transformed the sound of his voice into an ambulance with leaky tires.

I wish I'd only dreamt it but I remember my dream. It had a lot to do with my friend seeking me out to ask about work in my office/shack next door to a dumpy Chinese restaurant. It had nothing to do with god. Yup, distinctly no god involved.

Fuck. So many questions left unanswered and now I'll never know. Did he purposely choose that voice? Can he REALLY juggle cats?? Steve Martin can. I pray they have "The Jerk" on DVD in hell, and I don't mean that "Standard Edition" crap...

I've worked too hard in my life avoiding hard work to have to work hard now dammit!

Wanted to see the humongous moonrise tonight, so of course it thunderstormed like crazy. I love thunderstorms but not when they overlap cool astronomical activity like the above-stated, or meteor showers (which always seems to be the case).

Caught a new Life of Agony song on tv. Awful!! And the lead singer looked kinda like that "Balls to the Wall" guy. Ugly.
Nothing else to write today so I'll link some music videos. Note: Some of these are fairly large, be aware. And if you're using dial-up, well that's just suicide.

Darkane's Innocence Gone. Pay attention to the switch the drummer throws in during the outro. Just fucking great!

Blood Burden by Crisis. From "Like Sheep Led to Slaughter". Karyn Crisis rocks.

Otep's Warhead. Overtly political but whether you agree with her or not the video is pretty cool. I'm just a fan of women tearing it up. Diversity is always good.

New Clutch Tripping the Alarm. Sounds like their "Jam Room" stuff. I'm undecided, but at least there's a song named after the Pulaski Skyway on the album! Some cops recently hassled me on that road. COPS!! (fist raised)

Elfonía's Aura. A cool Mexican band. I recommend you order their CD.

Orphaned Land's Norra el Norra. An Israeli band. They have an interesting Middle Eastern meets prog metal sound. Kind of hit or miss.

Hope you like.

handlebar mustache

The next blog>> button should be renamed the wild stripper picture of the day>> button. Tell it like it is, Blogger.

Seeing others track search-terms that brought curious passersby to their sites, I got to wondering what might lead strangers to mine. Alas, after some ruminating I fear I've isolated the topics I mention most. And so, in no particular order, I present: Godhaswheels: your cyber-source for 80's hair metal, cold cereal, & George W. Bush. So there you have it. Boy-o that sucks! Of course, this is a moot point since strangers don't come by. I suspect if I were to mention handlebar mustache a few more times that might change. A lotta freaks out there!

Do the robot

This site is concerned that recent entries have dealt with topics of an overly grave and serious nature. Today we (me) here at GodHasWheels have opted (this is all grammatically fucked up now) for a more thoughtful post.

Man vs. Machine
I believe as machines progress along their asymptotic path towards perfection, some day they will vie for planetary control as a dominant species, though not in our lifetimes. I do not assume they will inevitably supplant us shaved apes; there is a certain unpredictability involved when considering flawed mechanisms built by a flawed species. Machines are still relatively stupid even compared to your bucktoothed hillbilly cousin who is just 'stupid relative' though their "evolution", sorry, "intelligent design-ery" erf is much more rapid than Jeb's. Currently their memory / storage capacity far surpasses humans' and they perform specific tasks at rates people can never match. Plus, as more of this work is offloaded, human efficacy continues to diminish (think mental arithmetic pre- and post- calculator in school). In other words, people are gettin' fat & lazy "Hello Nero. Hello Qing dynasty. No need to get up".
However, humankind can always be counted upon for 4 things:
-curiosity
-idiocy
-resiliency
-greed
That 3rd attribute is key, for humanity is not unlike a viral infection; eradication is extremely difficult. How will it all end? I really don't give a shit but I doubt it will be quite as rosy as a Will Smith movie finale. Thoughts?

triple ex- floats

Exercise extreme caution experimenting with ice cream sodas and floats otherwise you run the risk of concocting an abomination. Just a few examples not to try are: cherry coke with strawberry glace*, Surge with anything, ginger ale with anything save possibly cinnamon glace, apple or cranberry soda with chocolate glace (which does go well with regular cola, as does coffee glace), the list goes on and on. Hey, it's a gamble unlike picking this year's NBA champs which I could've told you last july. Spurs. duh.
*ice cream. (saved typing)

Cereal Review: Post Cocoa Pebbles
By now most everyone knows my infatuation with cereal. However like any interpersonal love affair the possibility exists that feelings may waiver over time. Devotion might falter due to perfidy, malaise may set in. Sadly, my once torrid relationship with Cocoa Pebbles appears to be on the rocks^†. Sure, I still vocally express my commitment but deep inside it does not feel the way it once did. Perhaps my interests have shifted as I've aged, my tastes growing more sophisticated; perhaps it was just time to move on. And yet perhaps it was due to a box I'd recently purchased that tasted stale. Whatever the reason, I feel time apart may do us well. It's not you Cocoa Pebbles; it's me. I hope one day we might rekindle the passion we once had. Regardless I will always keep a place within my heart just for you.

(picture Cocoa Pebbles, alone & dimly lit, belting out Linda Ronstadt)
"to yooouuu, my heart cries out perfidia
for I find you the love of my life, in somebody else's arms
your eyes, are echoing perfidia
forgetful of the promise of love, you're sharing another's charms..."
^†har har!

I've been so blog-neglectful

Alas. I've been busy jobhunting and it sucks a big, hard nut. Perhaps a cashew, you perv.

In the entire history of those 'celebrity house tour' shows has there ever been a case, when the camera crew entered the bedroom, where the celebrity forgot to say, "this is where the magic happens"? Just once I'd like to see the home owner then lean forward and pull a nickel out from behind the cameraman's ear. And not just any nickel, one of those 1913 Liberty head nickels cuz they're rare so I'd know it was truly magic. Alternately the famed one could pull out a silk top hat and cape and saw someone in half on the condition that it wasn't magic and the person couldn't be put back together. Just do something different, please. The mundane begets violence afterall.

And I am still adding others' blogs into my sidebar. Apologies to Cbear, Kevin, and Sumo for only now getting around to it.

Baloo

Mr. John Goodman, no matter how many fake Baloo characters you voice, no matter how hard you try, you are not the 2nd coming of Phil Harris. Please accept it and move on.

Fake Fakt Friday:
If you are like the millions of other USA'ers you have probably wondered aloud on many occasion, "whatever happened to the brand Wilkinson Sword?" Fear not! The entire staff here at GodHasWheels (me) has been working feverishly to bring you an answer! During the mid-80's, at the height of the disposable razor war, Wilkinson Sword's marketing department made a critical tactical error that would ultimately lead to the company's demise. Gillette, their major competitor, released the first double-bladed disposable razor in 1986, a product dubbed 'Atra Divine Double', ADD for short. Wilkinson Sword was just finishing development of their own double-bladed disposable as well. Feeling pressure to rush their product to market, and looking to present themselves as an edgier brand than Gillette, they opted to name their new razor the 'Pubecutter Ultra'. It's arrival on store shelves sent consumers scurrying away in droves. Though they quickly yanked the product, the damage had been done and the company was never able to earn back consumers' trust. Honestly! Would I make this stuff up?
(yes)

advertising obfuscation crap

The Yoplait yogurt ads confuse me. When women on the TV* say their yogurt is "soap opera good" or "day at the spa good" I have no idea what that means. Soap opera characters always die, come back to life, and cheat on their wives or something right? And what goes on at a spa? Pubic-hair waxing? These don't inspire yogurty thoughts in my mind. I need them to sell it to me in no uncertain terms. "Yoplait is stab your cellmate with a shiv for stealing your underwear good". Then I'll know what they're talking about. Well no, I won't actually. But I could imagine! "Mmm. Underwear." Wait!! I meant, "Mmm. Stabbing."
_{*old people always call it 'the TV' rather than 'TV' right?}

I also noticed supermarkets selling a new variety of Friendly's^® ice cream. I think it's dubbed Extreme but it might possibly be Xtreme. Regardless, I was trying to comprehend what made this particular ice cream so wild. First, there's a cartoon skater on the carton. Radical! Second, and probably most important, they spell cookie "kookie". That's extreme!!!

The latest Hummer the TV commercial shows an empty, metered, parking spot and a Hummer that actually parallel parks and fits into the very same spot! Wow!! I hear rumors Lenscrafters will soon begin a new ad campaign marketing eyeglasses that actually CORRECT YOUR VISION! No joke!

And lastly:

This is very honest/deceitful of the marketers depending on your viewpoint. But why stop there? How about ads like: "Big Mac. The world's tastiest** hamburger."
Or: "Saturn Vue. One helluva^† car". The possibilities are endless^§!
_{**not on your life
†wrong, wrong, wrong
§the possibilities are NOT endless}