"Shit. Shinola" -"Son, you're going to be all right"

People love their music, movies, & television; I'm no different. We all believe our interests are better than everybody else's and therefore it's our duty (hoo hoo, I said doodee! [hee hee, I said 'hoo hoo'!!]) to impart our knowledge upon the unenlightened masses. However there are those Puff Daddy, Warren Beatty, & Carson Daly fans out there, ...right? Do they actually feel their tastes are superior as well or do they acknowledge the fact they can't tell shit from Shinola?

New feature:
I'm starting a new item in my blog-o-vision space entitled "repulsive person of the week". If I could think of a kitschy way of using a body part to express "I hate so and so" (a la "I heart blahdi-blah" but opposite) that'd be the title instead, but no organs seem to work. Today I will fall back on the old expression used by rap group Third Base: (in keeping with the above post) Carson Daly gets the gas-face. A talentless, clueless prototype of mediocrity who's bumbled his way onto american TV and whose 15 minutes have somehow stretched out to a considerably longer period of time. Please tell me he is not being groomed for Conan's Late Night gig.

Pleasure = Life's little red herring

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of ...? We're being misled; don't be duped.
Excelsior! (as the kids like to say these days)



There's nothing like a good joke to get the day started (well, nothing like a good joke on this SITE anyway).

Why was the white woman frightened of the Cuban?


Jimenez-ing
(if this joke made you ill, let me know. I'll try concocting more. (It ain't easy. It's kinda like reverse-alchemy, turning gold into shit (actually, it's not really like that at all.)))

Thine?

I'm not quite certain when to use "thy" rather than "thine". I'll never make a good 15th century villain at this rate! Please elucidate me if you know.

If you hunger for actual thought-provokatin', brain-tinglitudinous questions, please visit Happy and Blue2.

Duck Tales. Awoo Oo.

Remember Doofus from Duck Tales? (ahhh, Duck Tales). He was so uncool I couldn't even find a picture of him by himself.
Well they put this fat kid side character in the show to add to its popularity. I can't recall when in this world has adding a fat kid ever been a good idea. Maybe at the Donner party? Or perhaps a pool party where the water level's low. Heck that 'fat kid smell' already reeks of pool for some reason. So yeah, Doofus? Bad idea. And don't even get me started on 'Bubba'.

"The very stone one kicks with one's boot will outlast Shakespeare"

When you're feeling too big and full of yourself just remember: the world is not your oyster. You are a wad of dirty bubblegum clinging to the sole of earth's shoe. A "god-fucking-dammit!" and scrape away from nothingness. When you are feeling insignificant and down on yourself, well, I don't know what to tell you because nothing has changed in the last eighteen seconds. Oh, and soccer-mamas, don't think yer foolin' anyone by sticking the word Sport at the end of Caravan. It's still just a big, burgundy, ribbon-adorned hunk of 'blocking my view'. But I still like you more than your Titan-sized SUV contemporaries.

On occasion I will grace this page with cereal recommendations.
today's choice: Malt-O-Meal CocoRoos. They be tasty and the only way you could make a cheaper bowl of CocoaPuff wannabes would be to venture into the backyard and scoop yourself a pile of deer droppings. "two scoops!"
(in summation: thumbs up to CocoRoos, thumbs down to deer droppings)

How's my driving? Dial 1-866-2-TELLMOM

Let me explain, my first thought was that I was being all clever by doing what I just did; juxtaposing 'golf driving' with 'car driving'. Since my golfing knowledge is mediocre and my golfing experience even less so (I've only ventured to a handful of mini-golf courses & driving ranges, and once almost tripped then-Pittsburgh Steeler Carnel Lake with a bad putt which would thusly have ended my life if not by him then by the denizens of the 'burgh) it would result in ironic humor. However I realized then that, hey, anyone who sees this doesn't know this about me and might possibly assume that I'm, in fact, an avid golfer. Based on that assumption, upon seeing my swing and stance one may well grumble, "well, it's obvious; this guy's driving really stinks". Suddenly my joke has taken a turn for the wurst* and what was a weak attempt at drawing laughs has backfired and resulted instead in criticism, befuddlement, and displeasure for all. Please ignore what I've done here today and may god have mercy on my soul...

(*as in liverwurst? get it? woohoo! A bad pun that has no contextual meaning. Gotcha!)

"not so fresh feeling"

One doesn't see douche commercials on TV anymore these days; I guess that's a good thing though if no alternate product has replaced it then what happened? It doesn't seem to be an item that becomes obsolete (but what do I know).

Also of note: that dance song "The Power" by Snap! must be public domain now, for that would be the only explanation as to why it is being played all over the fucking place. What was weird about that song is that two versions, practically identical, came out at the same time by two different artists. There was Snap!'s take on it and another version by Chill Rob G. I guess that guy got screwed.

Behold! The human hair

Strong in the tensile dept. weak in the flavor* dept. I'd just as soon do without it in my next meal.

*flavour in Frally-speak

Oh, and a Happy New Year to all. Gong Xi Fa Cai.

"allo allo. this is night'awk, do you read me?"

Once upon a time, in a work email sent to perhaps 8 colleagues, I spelled the word 'recognize' with an 's'. The next day I was pulled aside by a senior member in my tech group and told to "be sure to spell-check before sending out messages". This by a plumber-turned-computerguy (who started every message "Enclosed please find")! Last I recall neither of those 2 groups to which he belonged are well known for winning spelling bees nor for their grammar expertise. Another time I used the word 'nigh' in a group email and was 'dressed down' by a different sr. systems admin. for using a word people (read: he) didn't understand. In addition said fellow also scoffed at me for adding milk into my cup of hot cocoa. What world is this???

kid-friendly = horseshit

Somebody start making some goddamned taller sinks please.

For Sara (as per yer previous comments) 

"Send 'em right back to Gimbals!"

I often wonder just what kind of a world it would be if only Gimbals had become the dominant department store chain. The air would be fresh and pure! Hovercars would run on sunshine and smiles. Peppermint sticks would grow on trees, every family would own their own diamond mine, humans could coexist with beavers, and Seven Up Gold would still be on the market. Everyone would live in peace and harmony; Jews, Gentiles, Muslims, Capitalists, ...Pinkos, you name it! Instead we have Macy's and the neighbors' dogs won't shut up at 1 in the morning.

creamed

I try to keep the subject matter topical. "Current events?" you ask yourself? Wrong!! Ointments.