Awful!

It took the band Soul Asylum 8 years to come up with this??

You might be right
You might be wrong
You might just think your life has gone on for too long

Your knees get weak
And your heart grows cold
And youre tired of doing everything youre told

And nothing can take away from you
What you take and what youve been through

Stand up and be strong
Stand up and be strong
It wont take long
You cant go wrong
Stand up and be strong

You might have to fight
You might have to cry
You might have to cry
You might have to fight
Stand up and be strong

If you live in the hills
You take too many pills
If youve lost the thrill
Against your own will
Stand up and be strong

And nothing can take away from you
What you take
Well you know what youve got to do

Stand up and be strong
Stand up and be strong
It wont take long
You cant go wrong
Stand up and be strong

If you get all depressed
When you get undressed
If youre lifes a mess
Remember youre blessed
Stand up and be strong

The good thing about this song though is you can extend it indefinitely with your own lyrics:
"Your breakfast was small, don't trip or you'll fall, stand up and be strong".
Or "You went out for a stroll, You stepped in a hole, Your girlfriend's a Pole, stand up and be strong".
How about "You wish you could fly, You ate too much pie, You ate too much pie stand up and be strong". I think I could do this all day actually!

It doesn't inspire confidence...

driving on the freeway behind a sewage tanker transport truck. Especially one with a port-a-pottie precariously strapped to its back via one bungee cord. "Nosir, I don't like it."

Thumbs down are also in order for when drivers chuck their chewed bubble gum out their windows. 'What's the big deal?' you might ask. Let's just say, once upon a time several years ago, you spent a good deal of your earnings purchasing your first new car. Nothing fancy, possibly a black Nissan, but it was yours and it was shiny and clean. Then, perhaps on the 2nd or 3rd day of ownership, during your work commute in the blistering summer heat, you rolled through a gooey piece of said discarded gum and it sprayed all over your fender and wheel-well causing you to have a massive conniption*. And only after months of bitterness, when your new beauty's bumpers were completely trashed by poor NYC parallel parkers, and your doors dented by old suburban NJ farts parked next to you in the supermarket lots, folks who should've given up the ghost years back, and you realized what true new-car-owner misery was, only then could you ease up on the gum litterbug. But just a little bit, you fucker!
The end.

Moral of the story? I'm gonna git chu, sucka!!!*

^{*I love the 80's!}

I have rebuilt my computer system (again x ∞) this time for good. Right?

Last Train to Clarksville

I swear I just saw a Western Union banner ad with Micky Dolenz in it.

big news!

The world's astronomers have decided at last that Pluto no longer counts as a planet and has, instead, been demoted to 'dwarf planet' status. This is good as they've finally agreed upon a definition for what 'planet' means.

In other news, this is my 2nd work post and I'm close to rebuilding my home PC. I will soon be blogsurfing again! Also, I really haven't eaten much cereal lately. Has the world gone mad?!!

my home computer

is seriously scrod. (my first post from work!)

dunno 'bout this grammar

Were a man's schlong so long as to dangle in the toilet water whenever he sits upon the pot, would that not be more curse than blessing?

That Tail's Gotta Be Really, Really Long

Word on the street is niche markets are reshaping the new economy. Actually it isn't the street so much as the corporate boardroom, where crusty old White guys in suits steer the course of my life and yours toward the most profitable destination (for them). Stuff one hears on the street sounds more like: "Ohmigawd, that skirt is SO nawt hawt", "Didjew hear? Mel Gibson's changing his name to Gibblestein", & "I'll suck yo' dick fo' five dollas" (truth be told only one of these has been said to me).

Anyway, to get the jump on the new direction in which we're headed, here's a list of the "next" "big" "sellers" for the niche folk:
<sub>1. footbath flavored potato snacks
2. gift certificate to the "Saggy Grannies In Soiled Adult Diapers" revue
3. Pigfucker TV
4. drugs, drugs, drugs
5. Hot Pockets' Pre-chewed Dinners
6. Danielle Steele books. No WAY a mass audience would be into THAT crap
7. Fruit for Dessert, Inc. franchise rights
8. Instructional video for men: "How to sit with your legs together on crowded public transportation"
9. We Love Bird Flu Club membership
10. subscription to Spice Up Your Anus magazine, the bi-weekly publication dedicated to people who like putting spice & other condiments in their rectums.</sub>

the truth hurts

In case you wonder why Ashlee Simpson doesn't have a "cool urban" name, the answer's simple: A.Simp is remarkably uncool. The only way she'd do worse is if her name were Ashlee Hole.

Other Items of note:
This seems legit but how can it be? "Yeah, the guy in the ridiculously awesome electric car named after the best inventor ever DOESN'T have to look like Ed Begley Jr.? C'MON!!" L's a Tesla fan, she's gotta be excited.

Also, I caught the women's 9-ball BCA Open championship on TV recently. This girl (she's only 20!) was fucking incredible. She rocked everybody including Karen Corr & Allison Fisher, the 2 women who always win everything. Seriously, I've never seen someone consistently sinking three balls on the break like that. This Jasmin lady was so precise it was a thing to behold. These players always inspire me to head to the pool hall where I blow a wad of cash in exchange for supreme frustration since I can't even hit the ball straight despite all my calculations of velocity, spin, and other assorted trickery. "It's all physics and geometry!" PFFFFLLLPPTTT.

Cereal Review (times 2!): Double Chocolate Cookie Crisp & Peanut Butter Cookie Crisp
These two are just not freakin' worth it. Get the original. Well not the 'chocolate chips turn the milk purple' original but the normal, current Cookie Crisp. No joke, it rivals Count Chocula as one of my all-time favorites plus it goes on sale at times of the year not named Halloween.
Have a good weekend, I'll be stopping by as many blogs as I can between Munchy (the name o' my PC) crashes.

Mr. Obvious Humor (this one's for you, David Cross & Jay Leno!)

Video card is on the fritz so I'll keep this short
My new high fiber, flax, & lactose diet is really paying dividends!
I just referred to "poop" as "dividends".
I'm not ready to write all these "tasty nuggets" during work hours. Maybe once I'm acclimated. The wrong first impression would leave a "real stain" on my reputation. This chocolate milk needs another "Hershey squirt" in it.

childhood aspirations

Do kids actually say to themselves, "when I grow up I wanna be paparazzo"? These paparazzi swarm like roaches. Where do they come from?

you can take that... to the bank. the blood bank.

NJ's up and running again, Poland's president has named his twin brother as prime minister, and Steven Seagal thinks he's a blues musician (I can't believe I quoted that fat fraud in my title). Seems like a good time to post a picture of me in front of Kenosha Wisconsin's crackerjack Mars' Cheese Castle. Summer sausages? Outtasight!!

NJ. Closed.

Today's rant-
   So New Jersey is currently shut down with only "essential" state employees on the clock. The reason is a budget deficit. Again (surprise!). Governor Corzine's proposed 1% sales tax increase is being stonewalled by his own party and things be gettin' ugly. Republicans, seeing a chance to bolster their position, are lashing out at whomever's in range. If NJ's leaders were any more inept they'd be declaring war on Iraq. Zing! Bottom line: no budget = no pay for state workers. Thus beaches, parks, casinos, etc. shut down and folks are bitching & moaning about their ruined summers. Obviously these are 'big picture' people.
   NJ loves taking out 30 year loans, borrowing from the future for a quick fix. If it's actually used to stop that sort of behavior, a 7% sales tax vs. 6% won't kill me. $.99 hamburgers will either drop to $.98 or increase to $1.03 so no one will have to deal with stupid pennies and my mental math will need to adjust; not so bad. There's actually a pretty easy solution to this entire crisis. SPEND LESS FUCKING MONEY!!!! I don't want to hear "300 schools get olympic size swimming pools and new laptops for every student". Nor "union employees retire at 55 with lifetime benefits for them & their families". Ditto "state gives (pro sports franchise) $500 mil. for new rent-free arena".
   If the pols try their best and yet, inconceivably, still can't pay for essential programs then raise the carbon/gas/fuel tax. It's not like people will stop driving. But they might ditch the behemoths in favor of fuel-efficient cars. This reads like a Hans Christian Anderson fairy tales doesn't it? Those always were gruesome stories.

Next week's rant- Aging multibillion dollar scoundrels who suddenly donate a sizeable portion of their wealth to philanthropic organizations in hopes of spit-polishing the shit off of their legacy and buying their way into heaven. It won't work, you jerkoffs!
Actually, there's not much more to say about it.

Whoop de damn doo (Nerd alert!)

A company finally decided to suck it up and hire me so I'm returning to the workforce performing career-related job duties! Yay! To give you an idea as to how long I've been out of "the Game" allow me to provide a reference point. During that time a Third Age passed in our world (well, it's that age when everyone gets married and buys homes) and the Ents conferred and opted to go off to war forcing the normally domestic Entettes to head to the factories. Upon returning from combat the workforce influx shifted their economic structure, hurdling them into a service-based society. Now, fully 2/3 of all your digital camera & printer troubleshooting questions are routed to their call centers. The helpdesk phone numbers are not toll-free either so be wary. Average call length is approx. 17 days (which is actually quite good in Ent-time).

And thank goodness I will soon have dental coverage again. My teeth are gettin' crowded. I'm not talking "saturday afternoon at the Jersey mall" crowded, I'm talking "portapotties at a 3 day all-you-can-eat Olestra chili & bran muffin jamboree" crowded. The culprits are 3 impacted wisdom teeth. When I got my first wisdom tooth yanked it was a disaster of Biblical proportions. I think I saw locusts. Or cicadas or something. It was a terrible ordeal but I certainly had no plans of doing that Tom Hanks 'Castaway' shit either. This time I'll insist the oral surgeon gas me. Which reminds me, Happy Independence Day! Even to all you countries out there under the thumb of occupational forces from a foreign nation whose administration is attempting to curb the free press, a key element to the checks and balances system of a democracy. I'm sure plenty of firecrackers will be shot off though AK-47s will probably do in a pinch. Remember, Safety first.