nose pick

My friend's mom always used to say, "you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose". Well it took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears but I have disproved this axiom.

reading list

Fantastical tales of intrigue, whimsy, and chlamydia. Classics like "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Syphilis" and "The Cat in the Hat has Clap".

Save yer breath

Let us say there is someone who enjoys pilfering. Were I to debate this someone regarding the merits of stealing other people's things I imagine it would transpire like so:
"man, theft of personal property is not cool."
"nah dude, theft of personal property kicks ass!"
"hmm...mebbe yer on to something. You've convinced me."
Moral? (see above title)

As a bonus, here is a lil tidbit about me. I'm carrying a Count Chocula coupon in my wallet because... you just never know!

bien sûr!

Les Indestructibles. Mon petit chou, c'est un film incroyable, n'est pas?

No way around it

The time is fast approaching when all retail stores will begin playing that Paul McCartney "siiiimply haaaaaving, a wonderful christmas time" P.O.S. song. Must remember to stuff mince-pies in my ears before heading to the mall.
"excuse me sir, but did you know you have mince-pies in your ears?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. I have mince-pies in my ears"

the universality of baby-lovin'

Is it human nature to like them because, for the most part, I don't. I hear it's different when you have yer own but what if I do one day (doubt that'll be happening on purpose) and the first thought that pops in my head when I see it is "my god what an awful fucking thing". That'd suck. I can just feel a friend's baby-shower lurking around the corner somewhere...

Flintheart

Still only the second richest duck in Duckburg.

"This is an intellectual-free zone"

As my man Harris K. Telemacher said. For example, recently some friends and I ventured into Borders. I was picking up some poetry books (for someone else). Now, I cannot quite describe the speed with which our conversation turned from poetry to "Def Jams's Fight for NY" videogame, but I think there might've been a shockcone accompanying it. Hmm, I guess I just did describe it. And for more of your reading pleasure here is a news story my friend told me about. "maybe it's intellectual to you because you were educated with a banana and an innertube". Ahh...LA Story...

fuck

fuck fuck fuckity fuckfuckfuck. 4 more years of feeling infinitely smarter than the fellow who heads this country. Gloating in one's mental superiority is normally an enjoyable activity. It is NOT, however, when the inferior person happens to be the Commander in Chief and the face of this country. Odds Bodikins, man! Ok. No more non-jokey political stuff from me; I promise. Until I blow another gasket.

The case for Joe Piscopo

So I feel compelled to dig up old SNL footage containing Joe Piscopo. Although people once laughed at him, constantly (not WITH him), archival data in my SNL book suggests he had more versatility than many of the current crop. Plus, when the Nets were making their playoff runs in recent years and needed a Jersey celebrity to introduce the players, Tony freakin' Soprano was nowhere to be found. It was Joe Piscopo who came to the Meadowlands. Hey, it's better than nothing. I guess. Though that's probably debatable.

rainin' on my parade

This is the best time of the year, bar none. Autumn in the air, start of the NBA season, and that fantastic stretch of Halloween, Thanksgiving, & Christmas. It gives the great illusion that life is actually fun, though I suppose when I'm old, decrepit, and bitter from the memories this season stirs up my attitude will shift. Anyway, it's a hoot for now. Except... I'm all freakin' anxious because of all the political horseshit going on right now. The potential global fallout from today's results make me feel self-indulgent and guilty for enjoying my above-stated little pleasures. To top things off, Opera has decided to assign a little Microsoft Butterfly icon next to my weblog link. Dammit man!

taboo

Linus once said there are 3 things one should never discuss with other people: "religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin". I'd strongly consider adding Will Ferrell as taboo topic number 4. There seems to be no middle ground on this guy. It's really quite a strange phenomenon. For the most part I find him particularly unfunny. I believe I'm in the minority opinion here, though I am pretty certain the Monkey King is on my side.

If I were elected president

If I were elected president I would promise every family a pony. It would then be up to you, citizen, to obtain from it health care coverage, retirement funds, improved public education, and homeland security. Families earning less than $200,000 would receive an additional pony.