Terrible Phrases

There are a multitude of terrible phrases in the English language. Word constructs that make one's blood boil and eyes pop. Here are a few for today:

- "Your call is important to us..."

- "Puff Daddy is a musical genius"

- "Ha Ha Ha! Only in New York..."

- "It's a boy!"

- "It's a girl!"

new layout

So, do you like the pseudo-new layout here at GodHasWheels Inc.? Me neither. But I think it's too late to change back so deal with it. And besides, I just learned that (the few) people viewing this page using Internet Explorer were seeing god with his head chopped off at the top of the screen. That's blasphemous! Or something..

On another note, I am really freakin' excited about the NBA this season! I'm sure that makes me a weird US citizen but it's true. What's next? Following soccer? But the Nets have a good team and there's 2 Chinese & 1 Korean in the league. And they're all 6'11" or taller. Don't know how that happened, they must've sewn a few pairs of people together.

I'm amped about the Devils too. There's a new arena about to open and I can't wait to check it out. Somehow it gives me hope that a miracle will occur and the Nets will move there instead of Brooklyn. I mean the real kind of miracle, not the "miracle of birth" kind that happens what, every sixth of a second? But actually either kind might work so I guess I'll take 'em. Also maybe Islanders' Miroslav Satan will get traded to the Devils. How fucking great would that be? I cannot even begin to tell you!

manziere

Flipped open the sports section today to see a new ad sprinkled in amongst the usual suspects of strip clubs & limpdick meds (the truck & beer ads are saved for TV): "Male Chest Reduction Surgery". Wow. You fat fucks.

Let's get something straight here; it's Male Boob Reduction. All guys, excepting perhaps Michael Clarke Duncan & Bolo, want bigger chests. Otherwise there wouldn't be all these barrel-chested Paul Bunyan-y legends in books & pro wrestling on TV. Let's also not overlook the fact this is the SPORTS SECTION. Go out and play some fucking sports!!

I'm a fool

You know what's a surefire joke for me? Someone accidentally dips his finger in ink or mud and then later, unknowingly, puts said finger to his upper lip while in thought resulting in a fake Hitler mustache. I dunno why. Either it's because I appreciate the ability of Jews to make light of such a ghastly villain and the heinous acts he perpetrated on their people, or it's just a really goofy lookin' mustache.
If all else fails, I also appreciate a good slip on a banana peel.

Headlines

We're in scary and confusing times; the newspapers tell us so. And I would find things that much more scary if I saw these headlines:

"Massive lead paint recall: China blamed for too much lead in lead paint"

"Trans-sexual is the new 40: Find out how"

"Ryan Seacrest: the face of a new generation"

"Microsoft buys rights to puppies: How this impacts YOU as dog owner"

"Dane Cook movie breaks all-time box office record"

"Childrens do learn, Bush tells school kids"