Things I've lied about

Tired of penance and words
Confession is absurb
Cause you shouldn't have done the deed in the first place for sure

^{Ah, truer lines were never spoken. These are courtesy of the metal band Hades.}
Today I seek not redemption. Nor forgiveness. Solely for the purpose of exposing another facet of me, and thus personalizing further this site, do I present these. Prevarications I've been guilty of at some point in my life.

-In middle school I finally was able to buy my first pair of "name brand" sneakers; ugly blue pigskin Reebok running shoes from the clearance section of a Marshalls discount store. My hometown's populated almost exclusively by richy-rich white snobs. When asked by a classmate where I'd gotten the shoes, I persisted that "I couldn't remember" to throw him off the track. Clever.

-My freshman year of college, in order to validate a weak joke I was perpetrating, I lied that I'd seen the James Stockdale vice presidential debate. In fact, I'd only read about it afterwards. Unnecessary.

-Sorry to say, I shoplifted several fake-o transformer toys from a Bradlees discount store once while my mother shopped next door. When she saw me playing with one she questioned where I'd gotten it. I claimed I found it on the sidewalk. She believed it! Out of guilt I disassembled and threw them away. "If I can't have you, no one will!!!"

-Once in high school a girl I was into told me she loved the Rolling Stones and I said I liked that. I didn't give a poop about the Stones. I liked her and was glad she listened to something that wasn't Phish or Jimmy Buffett. Hmm, this might not count as a lie.

-Basketball pickup games usually end with me saying "good game" to nice guys who kinda stink. They're usually foul-crazy hatchetmen but I don't wish to discourage people from exercising & playing the greatest sport on earth.

-Asked by a friend whether I thought the singer Mya was hot I said, "eh, she's ok" but that's not true. She's freakin' hot!

-During a summer stint at a telemarketing firm, on the phone I'd lie that my name was Bob which, coincidentally, turned out to be the name of the creepy guy sitting next to me. I found this out one day when he demanded I stop using his name. I was terrible at the job and often hung up in a fit of laughter on the people I was calling. If you've worked these gigs you know that the automated systems redial the same numbers at a later time. He was getting some serious negative responses during some of his callbacks. In fairness to me no one ever gets my real name so this way was easier. Plus, my 2 or 3 other friends working there also used his name and stank just as much as I did.