Cereal Review:
Recent surveys indicate US consumers not only are willing to try generic brands but often even prefer their taste over national brands. In the spirit of cheap alternatives and/or conformity I sampled a box of Master Choice Woodland Berries Granola cereal (WBG for short), part of supermarket chain A&P's premium product line.
A&P's owned by The Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company. They also own many other chains such as Walbaum's and Food Emporium, which has possibly the CATCHIEST jingle known to Man (close rival: Mt. Airy Lodge). If you've never heard it before you're either to be pitied or envied, not sure which. Actually A&P, or at least A&P Canada, was recently purchased by some shadowy conglomerate named Metro Inc. for 100 bajeeellion dollars (US). It probably is also in the process of buying Swaziland, Uranus (ha ha), and star systems Aldebaran, Spica, & Omicron-1 CMa though not if Starbucks has their say first.
"Son, do you see that star cluster yon? That is Ursa Venti, the Great Bear. And there is Orion the Dark Roasted Blend".
If you are confused by all this capitalist intrigue it is because I cannot properly relay this information when I don't fully understand global & corporate politics. Plus I'm making some of this shit up. For deeper analysis of this subject matter read this post by Rainypete. Now let's revisit something we are familiar with, yes?
WBG is an all-natural, preservative free product of Canada. It consists of very fatty honey & brown sugar granola clusters and dried raspberries & blueberries. If you're a fan of truly sour fruit then boy-o is this your cereal! I'm certain this was some master plan by Canada to foist their leftover sour berries onto unsuspecting USAers. Drat you Canadians and your quirky sense of humor. I've been had! Well, there's nothing a few well-placed spoonfuls of unhealthy white refined sugar can't cure and by the time I'm done shovellin' it's like eating a bowl of Sour Patch Kids. Type 2 Diabetes here I come!! To artificially inflate the supersour WBG's volume one can also buy a box of generic corn flakes (which definitely tastes no different than name brand corn flakes) and mix it in. I'm not sure why you'd want to prolong this experience though unless you're a glutton for punishment. Luckily I am!
12 comments:
Plot or not, you bought our sour berries didn't you!?
Get them while you can, soon starbucks will buy it all up and bake into those $30.00 stale cakes they sell to accompany their "coffee".
While I'm often for going the generic route, I find that generic cereals don't cut. Yes, the granola ones are way too sugary, defying the drive behind eating a granola cereal, and (I know, nobody likes Grape Nuts but I) supposed-to-be crunchy cereals like Grape Nuts have scant milk-time before they lose their crunch.
Type 2 Diabetes--Here I come: this is going to be the title of your book-to-come on the food industry; narrow and refine the topic as you wish. I can't wait to read it.
Gosh a bowl of Sour Patch kids sounds great....
Those canadians are a tricky bunch! While I am not an expert in the cereal arena (which is why I take your reviews to heart), one of my faves has to be the generic frosted flakes. They're GRRREEEAAT, but since they are generic I suppose it should be modified to say, "They're gooooddddd".
I know I'm always following up your cereal posts with something about Brown Sugar Frosted Mini-Wheats, but have you tried the vanilla ones? I was not impressed. Total Honey Clusters get my vote though; they're mighty tasty (and 12 vitamins and minerals! woot!)
rainypete- yes, at least I got them at a bargain price!
sara- if I ever educate myself on the food industry that'd be a great book title. Grape Nuts. Boooo!!
martinilove- it sure does
katie- haha. I would love to see them write that on their boxes
frog princess- yes I agree, those vanilla mini wheats are too artificial tasting.
A&P is a real store!!?!?
I thought it was just a short story by John Updike:
http://www.tiger-town.com/whatnot/updike/
I'm so glad to have you informing me about these cereals so I don't wind up buying them. Of course my son loves the sugary stuff and being the bad parent that I am, I buy them.
I've never had that kind of cereal. Granola is usually far too sweet. There are some generic cereals I like.
I don't know what it is about those freeze-dried berries that keep showing up in cereal lately. They don't taste particularily good, but there is something about them that causes me to want to keep munching on their styrofoamy selves.
If I order a bowl of sour patch kids at Denny's are they going to hook me up??
I am so glad that we Canadians are sending that crap to our U.S. friends.
Generic anything is just another name for leftover slop from the real thing..
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