feeding frenzy

Recap:! Sunday night- didn't stop at supermarket parking lot exit stopsign and issued a summons by "gotta make month-end quota" cops.
! Info not yet in their online system when I got home past midnight. (ie. monday morning)
! Wednesday- received letter from lawyer looking to defend me in the case "State of NJ vs. Glomgold".
! Thursday- received 4 more lawyer letters. Good fucking god!

And a big FUCK YOU, CUNTS!! to United Airlines Rewards Magazine Subscription Customer Service Center. Since Dec 2005 I've tried numerous times to get an address change. No big whoop you say? Last week I was told a customer service rep would call me back to help resolve the issue. Apparently it's tuff stuff, may require a doctorate. The message left for me today stated they cancelled my magazine for me. "Wh' happened?" Upon calling them back the lady on the other end would only say, "It's been cancelled b/c you have 2 subscriptions to the same magazine". I told her in no uncertain terms that's pure horseshit and to please explain what the hell is going on. But she was programmed only to say those same words (undergrad of the parakeet speech-training school). More calls & yelling ensued.
End result: magazine subscription = cancelled. Can't be reactived nor reordered b/c "it's not available". Well then how about my "2nd subscription"? Doesn't exist!
This is bad sitcom shit. Where's Fran Drescher? I guess I should take solace in the fact they'll all lose their jobs to India soon.

the boys in blue

This post is dedicated to the nation's police officers. Specifically the fucking jerkoff and his cocksucking partner who issued me a summons for rolling through the stop sign of a supermarket parking lot at 11:30pm on a sunday night. Thanks you chodes! Well, I'm sure you guys will be there when there's major trouble or at least when there's guys smoking dope/drunk/on the phone & swerving all over the roads. Wait, no. I've yet to ever see that actually. Since this is the 'burbs you don't pull anyone over unless they're Black. Or unless it's late night and you're upset at yourselves again for not having the guts to join the military and thus take it out on a poor ol' Chinese guy who just wanted to buy a bottle of orange-glo cleanser (and who didn't even find it). My next positive experience with a cop will be my first.
So, this next paycheck of mine goes out to you, you corrupt bastards. And to my soon to be increased auto insurance premiums. Rot in hell you useless scum. I salute you. Fuck off! Big time.

The age of Man

What a glorious time for us men to be alive. Not only did L show us many months ago that we're smarter than women (based off of skewed research provided by men) but there is a plethora of bald-headed celebs whom we can idolize too should we be of the follicly-challenged ilk.

This was not always the case. Why even in the last few decades there were scant few chromedomes one could admire. The choices were basically Telly Savalas, Ernst Blofeld, Destro, or that 'ha ha ha, 7-Up' guy. Why, in the 80's if a fellow didn't wear lots of makeup, get a perm, and "grow (his) hair to the sky", as stated in Cinderella's Gypsy Road, he wasn't a man! Not so now.

Lastly, I bet all those impotent dudes who've been hiding in caves for the past half century are now rejoicing. Not only has their condition's name been softened (hoo!) to 'E.D. ie. erectile dysfunction' but every other ad in the US is some sort of pill that treats it. Now is the era. The era for bald, impotent men. Just look at our VP! Actually I think I'd prefer Ernst as our leader.

Song of the week: "Treat Her Like a Prostitute" by Slick Rick. Oh don't worry, if anyone gets treated like a prostitute around here it's me, by corporate america. The "invisible hand of Capitalism" reams me a new one daily, and for a mere pittance.

Boring

No doubt I've been most boring of late. And I don't mean plain ol' boring, I'm talking Rik (Mayall) & Neil in The Young Ones boring. Bhaaahwwing. So here's an update regarding my to-do list from a month ago:
Obtain 80's songs "One Night in Bangkok", "Electric Avenue", & "Break My Stride". -check

Eat Total Vanilla Yogurt cereal. -check (not my stylo but I could see the yogurty thing being addictive to folks). I know The Frog Princess is a big Total fan.

Eat Great Grains cereal. -check. Quick Cereal Review: Despite my initial hesitance due to the presence of dried dates (I always find them a turnoff for some reason), this cereal rocks. It's so hearty I feel like I'm eating a bowl of trailmix with milk. You know how most cereals are flakes with some clusters thrown in? Well this stuff is the opposite; I'm hard-pressed to find flakes at all actually. Awesome. Thanks Sara for the recommendation.

So what's left? I guess the Yogurt Cheerios and the stop being a putz and get real career-advancing work thing. I'd better get started on Cheerios...

na na na na na, HEY! na na na na

Taking my morning constitutional amidst a development of cookie cutter mcmansions, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sorrow for the owner of one particular house. Though he possessed the requisite horizontal off-white vinyl siding, backyard jungle gym, & large front entryway, he must certainly have been too poor to afford either the frontside brickface or the (I thought) standard 2 small first floor windows on the side of his home. For shame. I can only pray to our great wheeled god that the man will buy the best damn snow blower and riding lawnmowers on the market. You get that John Deere and you slap that magnetic yellow ribbon on the back, guy. Ya heard me?

one additional observation: Why are some NBA arenas playing Dream Theater and Yes songs?! "Owner of the Lonely Heart" is a far cry from Gary Glitter and I can't see the prog music/jock jams connection. Have members of these bands been indicted on child pornography charges as well?