Brian De Palma presents "New Year's"

December 31st, new year's eve, is the most over-rated holiday out there. It's the 'Scarface' of holidays. Ball drop. Yoy. Dick Clark. Whoo. A sea of drunks and urine in Times Square. Yippee. Wake me for Arbor Day or something.

xmas disaster

Christmas was good; I hope you all can say likewise. The only problem was the disappearance of our favorite ornament (circled in the photo). An old melty santa candle. The car's still around, but no santa. Hit and run bastard!

busy busy busy

Taking measures to slow the estrangement process of people in my life. Lucky for me Happy and Blue 2 has plenty o' good advice during these holiday times. Stuff about beavers, gift ideas for bums, you name it!

Reviews of the mundane: toilet paper
Unless angels tend to pill up in one's ass I suggest Angel Soft brand tp change its name. It used to be good, now it's some Charmin wannabe. And for everyone whose nation uses tp rolls, over not under. Under is just ludicrisp.

are these guys for real?

Bandname: Hobbit
Album: Two Feet Tall
Best songname: Faggots (wood) In The Fire
The fact they need to include the definition/disclaimer in the song title!

Award season already?

Vapid Expression of the Week Award goes to: the 2 old ladies today driving headlong towards my car while I'm on a one-way street. The illustration simulates my point of view. Zoom in for details. (The Hot Librarian wasn't kidding; it's tough drawing on a computer.)


Lying Sack of Shit Award goes to: stoned-lookin', slick-haired worker at the Electronics Expo store.

Godhaswheels' Story Hour

^{(where ribald tales are picked up midstream leaving readers in the lurch)}
Not since The Great Debauchery & Subsequent Hangings at East Hemblington of Thaddeus the Hairy-Tongued, so called for his hairy-tongue, & Gilchrest the Unwise, whose most hirsute glossa would surely have deserved him the aforementioned title had it not already been taken by Thaddeus (for which Gilchrest thusly bedgrudged him ever-so imperceptibly), whereupon was declared the now-famed axiom, "aye goode meade noht unlyke sexualle proclivities, must certainly bee enjoyed bothe warme and wyth aye goat"...

Moore. (Moop?)

There's a term in the tech industry dubbed "Moore's Law". It's bandied about in the media, probably by that loud yelling CNBC stockmarket goof. Essentially Intel guy Gordon Moore said, "the number of transistors and resistors on a chip doubles every 18 months". Later he changed it to 24 months. Nowadays this "law" refers to a 2^t exponential curve, stating that either computing capacity increases or cost decreases along it, doubling every year or thereabouts.

Something's fishy as I'm sure you can tell. There's no formula or calculation associated with it nor any rigidity in its definition (maybe it was created by Mormons). Taking a wild guess I'll say it skipped the Scientific Method as well. Though Moore was an engineer this thing reeks of econ-talk^†. It seems akin to something I might make up on the spot right now actually.

Glomgold's Law of NY Drivers: IF an automobile has a NY license plate AND the driver is from the 5 boroughs or Long Island THEN the probability the driver is an asshole who does not comprehend the use of mirrors is 98%. Furthermore the likelihood the driver putters along exclusively in the fast-lane is inversely proportional to the speed x at which the car is travelling. Should x reach zero the vehicle will be perpendicular to the flow of traffic.

From reports I've read, one of the reasons why Moore's Law applies to anything at all is because industry insiders are aware of its presence and feel the need to adhere to it thereby fulfilling its prophecy. That however is not the case with Glomgold's Law because A.) said drivers are unaware of anything and would therefore care naught for this law and B.) sadly, it has been backed by plenty of empirical data.
_{†Those who've had the displeasure of taking Micro-Economics know it's basically an attempt to stretch a whole semester's worth of busywork out of one elasticity / marginal-cost curve.*
*That dagger † thing rocks.}

Zing

While out for a drive I realized my tank was near empty. I passed several pricy gas stations and elected to stop at a cheaper no-name stand. This was a mistake for once back out on the road my car did not run smoothly. It chugged along as if it had been filled with old bacon grease rather than unleaded. Even more suspicious, as I stepped on the accelerator the cabin immediately smelled like an IHOP. Incredibly, when I opened my glovebox I discovered a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs!!! How the hell could something like this happen?! I specifically asked for them over-easy.
Wahooo!