Why, ultimately, First Night parties disappoint

For many a year (I'm guessing here), towns have offered non-alcohol based celebrations as an alternative to the usual drunken revelry of new year's eve. Though a nice concept, ultimately these sober soirees fall flat through no real fault of their own. The problem, of course, is that Man has made life a particularly un-fun experience. If this weren't the case, I'm sure the instances of vicariously-livin' football dads punching out referees would diminish greatly.

"Life is tough" gets bandied about often though it's really not accurate for the majority of humans anymore. Life is actually very easy; either you're alive and you're a success or you're dead and you failed. Living however is a different story. In the developed Western world, we are lucky enough to lead mundane existences.

And this is where alcohol comes in to play. Society is adamant in forcing upon us the notion that drinking it = fun. The de facto meaning of the word 'party' seems to imply alcohol and thus we use terms like "dinner party" or "birthday party" to warn potential attendees that the emphasis will not be on the alcohol. It's similar to the word for meat in Chinese. If you leave off any descriptors people assume you're referring to pork.

So yes, booze is fun-in-a-bottle (or fun-in-a-bottle-in-a-bag for those keepin' it real types). The favorite comment drunks make to sober people at parties is either "wow, aren't you bored?" or some expression of condolence. Placing 3rd is the bizarre "I really respect that".

Many people drink to loosen up and lower their inhibitions. It's societally accepted and easily dismissed if a person demonstrated over the top antics at the company party "Oh he was drunk, that's why his pants were around his ankles". Don't get me wrong, I don't equate 'pants-down' with 'uninhibited', I just lumped them together in a demonstration of poor grammar. I was just making the point that some use it as a tool. Now, why people are so inhibited during their daily lives is a topic for much discussion another day, but let's face it, most people are scared to be themselves for fear of failure, ridicule, others' perception, etc.

There's too much money to be made here so society wants us to think people not drinking alcohol, particularly on this holiday, either can't because they're allergic or "recovering from disease" (don't get me started) and thus deserving of sympathy, or are nerdy, socially awkward, or just don't know better and thus deserving of ridicule. By the way, the "just doesn't know better", in respect to the concept of happiness, is explored to interesting effect in Stumbling On Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. It's a quick, fun read.

With all these factors in play then at a non-alcohol First Night function, all it really takes is a boisterous, too-cool-for-school kinda person to really throw a wrench in the works.

All that being said, one of the better new year's eves for me was one of these First Night things in NY, which included me really really stinking it up trying to learn how to salsa. Just to know a thing about me, I'm forever fearful of the idea of dancing because of that one SNL skit where Chris Farley is in the back of a bar mocking Jeff Goldblum yelling "Hey Everybody! Let's do the IDIOT!!!".
Hmm, the worst new year's eve was probably standing in the cold in Times Square for however many fucking hours surrounded by guys pissing on walls and women squatting in the streets doing the same (except on the ground of course, so 'same' refers to the pissing action not the object being pissed on) followed by a near riot after the ball dropped. So yeah, new year's, pfffft.
But I do like the Lunar New Year.

Seasons Greetings!

Don't believe the hype!

Man, I don't care what Tiger Woods tries to tell us in those TV ads. The ugly Buick Rendezvous (silver) is just a repackaged, hideous Pontiac Aztek (the yellow "Rosie O'Donell-mobile").

Happy Holidays!

into the abyss

If you were to say "into the pit" or "into the void", the accent sounds fine on the in. However were you to say "into the abyss" nothing will do other than an accent on the to. That's just the way it is, deal with it.

Take it from me, buying items from those goofy companies that sell crap such as the "fits all sizes velour drawstring pants" in ads in the backs of magazines is an iffy proposition at best.

And someone please shove this down the throats of those Paris Hilton/Trump/GWBush types so they'll understand what's actually important.

CW

Those are the initials for NJ's 'Conserve Wildlife' vanity license plates. Now, I don't want to be presumptuous but I've seen many folks in the huge pickup trucks and the gas-guzzling Mercedes with these plates. Some also are adorned with the W Bush stickers. There might be a perfectly good explanation for all of this. I, however, think they're just announcing, "I'm okay with myself. Now". Well let's be honest here people. You're not.
Wow! That was extremely presumptuous!

Flipped, pickle-haulin' 18 wheeler on the highway today. Or so they say. I didn't see any free pickles in all that bumper to bumper goodness. 6 miles in 2 hours? That's better than the 15 ft/hr. rate on Black Friday's shopping "bonanza".

Taco Bell

I've been hankering for it but it's certainly not worth dying from dysentery over due to E. Coli poisoning. Developing a resistance to E. Coli would be one of the most useless bodily victories. It just means you'd be able to consume high quantities of human feces without deathly repercussions. C'mon! You can do better than that.

Quiche

Now where does the expression "real men don't eat quiche" come from? The stuff is delicious! I hope I didn't just inadvertently confess to something.

The holiday shopping rush is on and, as in recent years, I have resorted more and more to the internet. Which of course becomes a huge problem when one's cable modem craps out nonstop. I might have to rename this blog "Cablevision Sucks!", except, what do I do when I drop them as a provider? Gotta think more long term...

It's not enough that

the post-Thanksgiving bumrush of Xmas music began minutes into 11/24 (Monkey King and I know this because we stupidly went out pre-dawn for the shopping mayhem). They also include in the rotation that Vanessa Williams "Save the Best for Last" song!!
The song is no great shakes and fer cryin' out loud, there's but one line in there that even mentions snow, and it's about how "sometimes the snow comes down in June". That is not Christmas-y, my friends. Going by that logic, any song with a mention of snow or ice is fair game.
Frank Zappa's "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow" should be piping through the malls (and it IS great shakes). Or anything by that white Toronto reggae guy Snow (which probably isn't).

Home ISP update: Someone's been doling out bum cable modems to me causing numerous problems. Get on the ball! I'm talking to you, Cablevision.

Hope Thanksgiving was good for all.