Casual Dining

As everyone on the planet is now aware, save for some bushmen, tree people, & nomads, we've been overrun by casual dining restaurants. For each chain, it's important to establish a unified brand personality that patrons can attribute to them. Forget about the food, the real importance is the character. The interior design, the pseudo-vintage wall hangings & decorations; this is big business!

I realize it's difficult as a consumer to keep track of all this vital information. That is why I've compiled here a brief & incomplete summary of the personality types for several of the bigger name restaurants. A character cheat-sheet if you will:

TGI Friday's - Friday's is like the middle-aged White guy who thought it was supercool to yell "wasssuppp!" when those beer commercials came out. Heck, he still thinks it's cool today!

Bennigan's - The lonely depressed drunk who sits gloomily in the dark corner of the bar.

Applebee's - Country bumpkin who seems friendly enough but is completely inept at doing anything.

Chili's - That office coworker who likes to reference the ethnic portion of his family history even though it was like, 7 generations ago. "You know, I AM 1/64^th..."

Olive Garden - The guido who tries to cop a real 'tude, even though his parents are rich and from Long Island. There's gonna be a 1980's Mustang around nearby for sure.

Chevy's - That Food Network personality who's trying SO HARD to show she's Colombian. You know. Ingrid Hoffmann.

Red Lopster - The person who likes to call himself 'classy'. Uh, saying it and being it are mutually exclusive!

Undoubtedly

one of the most thankless jobs in the world of inanimate objects is being the 'loop' side of a 'hook & loop' enclosure, or Velcro™ as it is known commercially to Joe & Jane Asshole. Because really, what else is required to perform that task other than to be fuzzy? 'Hook' will most certainly be fine without you, clinging to and ruining neckties when your concentration wavers, sticking to walls or perhaps a particularly hirsute Mediterranean man's back, so just quit yer yappin' and be grateful you have a purpose to your existence, meager as it is.

In Other News (hah, 'News'):
Barbara's Bakery - Honey Rice Puffins cereal is pretty damn mediocre. Eating it with bland rice milk did not help either and believe me, it needed a LOT of help.
This is a shame because their Cinnamon line was pretty good and plus, I like puffins. The birds. They look like they've evolved over millions of years to bear an expression on their faces that suggests "I'm up to something". I don't know how that helps perpetuate the species but kick ass!

Finally!

My Cherry Boom CD is in the mail. I ordered it almost a month ago from somewhere China-y. I thought they were up to their necks over there in bootleg copies of everything, so what took so long?

Pure crap

I'm still steamed about it. That Bush pardoning of Libby is so ridiculous it makes me want to throw up. From rage. Can one vomit out of anger?
The guy is full of more crap than this place.

And did you read how many times Bush used the word "commutation" in his statement? He must've gotten a sticker for learning a polysyllabic word. Someone give that guy a swirly.