quality

And now, courtesy of Mr. Cheeks' Lights, Camera, Action!, a lyrical excerpt for your enjoyment:
"Dances around, she struts with the fuck-walk,
touches her toes, and she can make her butt talk".

By the way, Textures has released a new album!! Their site has free songs for you to download. They also have a new singer and he's better than the last. I'd describe them as a more accessible Meshuggah; lotta polyrhythms but with some melody thrown in. I like 'em even if they have been dubbed "the best metal band from the Netherlands". I mean, what else is there to compare with besides The Gathering and After Forever? These bands are all so far removed on the metal spectrum it's like comparing roasted chicken gizzards, pretzels, & edible underwear. They may all be tasty but that's about where the similarities end. Ahem, at least I've heard they're all tasty. I've yet to try pretzels. Oh!(ba dum tschhh!)

It's over

And the NBA season couldn't have ended in a more abhorrent fashion. Dwyane Wade's fantastic but it's impossible to stomach Alonzo Mourning. Such a colossal jerk that Shaq almost seems ok in comparison. So what's to be learned from this hoops season?
A. the dress code- It's old hat and was dissected nicely by Monkey Migraine months ago but here's a quick recap: 1.) NBA players were required to wear business casual clothes to league-related functions causing a stink amongst players. 2.) that's it.

I thought the dress code was great because it taught kids three valuable lessons. 1. Judge a book by its cover. That's right, kids. Prudish white businessmen were scared because the league's full of 'thuggish' black folk. Also there happened to be a huge player/fan brawl in Detroit last year (Who wouldn't want to get into a fight in Detroit? It looks like it could be "brawl capital of the world"). By dressing players in khakis & polo shirts on bus/plane rides to arenas this aberrant behavior was stopped dead in its tracks.
2. You can't fight city hall. The Man can do anything he wants to you and if you've got a problem with it he'll give you the shaft. The sooner kids learn this life lesson the sooner they can drop that "naive" stuff and just grow old and wait for death like the rest of us.
3. Business casual includes "dress jeans". ¿Qué?
B. the women's league- The professional women's game is better paced than the men's and plays much closer to that of the Average Joe's non-athletic-freak-of-nature style. Also the women earn reasonable paychecks and actually interact with the real world. However they'll have a hard time reaching a broader audience when guys like Shaq & Charles Barkley constantly demean it. What a strange mixed message comissioner Stern is sending.
C. fans- As long as you score 81 points in a game you probably can rape to your heart's content. I wonder who drive intoxicated more, male pro athletes or hollywood actors?
D. I was wrong- I was wrong in ways unimaginable about the playoffs. Holy hell were my predictions off! As Linus proclaimed in The Great Pumpkin, "Just wait till next year!!!"

computer time will be scarce this week (again)

al-Zarqawi's dead. Hooray! Hooray USA! All is right with the world again and I believe I just saw the ozone layer replenish itself. Right above a new colony of Passenger Pigeons!
Did You Know?
Lesser known than the Patriot Act, but even more important at striking fear in the hearts of Islamist Extremists bent on the destruction of 'freedom' in this world, is the Hooray USA Act which also spawned from the sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. Brief passages are excerpted below:

-For the next 7 years 2 months or until a Democrat takes office, it is a criminal offense to criticize the federal government, Texas, or any Tom Cruise or Carrottop movies (G.W. luvs 'em) unless you are a rich White corporate executive. OTHERWISE THE TERRORISTS WIN.

-For the subsequent 2 sports seasons pro athletes may not be referred to as heroes, nor shall they describe the games they play as "wars" nor their teammates as "soldiers". If possible, pro athletes must abuse human growth hormones. OTHERWISE THE TERRORISTS WIN. At baseball.

-Police officers, including meter maids, must be deemed "real heroes". Terrorizing US citizens is THEIR jobs, not some raghead's. O.T.T.W.

-US citizens' vehicles must be adorned with magnetic ribbons. Failure of the owners to do so must result in violence against both the vehicle and the vehicle's owner to teach them allegiance. O.T.T.W. AGAIN.

-Should a leader of an 'Axis of Evil' nation attempt to obtain nuclear capabilities, the president must refuse to engage in talks with said leader. He may only engage in talks regarding "nuke-ular capabilities". O.T.T.W.A.

-US citizenry must continue about their lives no differently than they did pre-attack. Acceptable behavior includes: American Idol or Will & Grace viewing, purchasing teeny dogs or oil-hungry oversized homes & sport utility vehicles (tax breaks provided to those who do all the above), hating soccer, receiving tattoos- lower back suns for women or tribal armbands for men though upside-down Chinese characters acceptable for both genders, truncating names and word structures (eg. Terminator 2=T2, Sept. 11=9/11, Merv Griffin=M.Grif), wearing religious crosses as decorative jewelry. O.T.T.W.

Cereal Review: Kashi Organic Promise Cinnamon Harvest
I must admit I'm starting to like this Kashi stuff. Cinnamon Harvest contains but 4 ingredients!! Organic whole wheat, organic evaporated cane juice, organic cinnamon, & natural cinnamon flavor. It's even certified organic by Quality Assurance International. I have no idea what that means. Since this cereal's not mineral fortified, there's little going on in the nutrients dept: fiber, protein, potassium, & iron. Just as nature intended. I don't recall stories of 6'6" cavepeople living to 110 years old. I'll get my vitamin C from an orange or something. I don't know where the hell riboflavin comes from. Anyway KOPCH is some tasty cinnamon-y shredded wheat. Good enough for this snaggletoothed dying midget.

a shame

Latin jazz pianist Hilton Ruiz died last week after suffering a serious accident last month. 54. The guy had serious skills. And talent.

Yeah, but where's your dignity?

Here's a story about a fellow who received numerous free credits for a music download service named Sony Connect. This guy thought, "what a little slice of heaven. I'll be able to legally obtain delightful songs like 'Contagious' by Y&T, 'Hold Me Now' by the Thompson Twins, and UTFO's 'Pick Up the Pace'". Their free proprietary software SonicStage would be his "Key to the Golden City". But it turns out the city was actually Camden, NJ. This experience, I imagine, is not unlike being given a pet as a gift. A cuddly pet that'll never learn to behave and will keep shitting inside your house. Sure it looks adorable and is full of such wonderful potential that you shower it with love but it keeps crapping all over your house!!! Actually this analogy stinks but suffice to say, SonicStage is shitting all over my computer.

Its problems are too numerous to mention and Sony tech support is no goot. Once, their recommendation broke my computer further forcing me into heavy investigation which eventually led to my fixing the problem. I guess that counts as 'help'. By and large though Sony tech support's way of dealing with complaints is to shovel more free download credits at me. Everyone's got a price. Mine's the Andrews Sisters' 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy'.

Oh and you know what else sucks? Funky Winkerbean. That comic strip blows more than a broke, toothless crackwhore.

On a more pleasant note, Happy and Blue2 is back! Check out his new site (not the old, cybersquatted one).
Also, if you like reading about food in Japan, please take a look at Kenny's blog.